When I was growing up I didn't notice my own dyslexia. I was put in special education in second grade, where I knew I didn't belong, and I remained there until 9th grade. I was constantly frustrated with my situation because I got great grades, I didn't feel any slower than my peers and I even didn't know exactly where my problems were centered.
It's interesting because growing up people would tell me stuff about myself that I would brush off because I didn't see what they saw. People would tell me not to feel like I was stupid or anything. I never did, so I just got annoyed. Teachers would give me special treatment and talk to me about my extra time in front of the class, which was just embarrassing.
High school was pretty easy for me. I never saw myself as dyslexic; just as the girl who used to be in special education, so now I had to prove them wrong.
It wasn't until college that I found out what dyslexia meant for me. It wasn't until the incredibly long readings and the longer words to spell that I realized the things that everyone else could do were actually a bit of a challenge for me.
This last semester I noticed my dyslexia more than ever when I had long readings for philosophy. I found myself having to read sentences over and over again to actually comprehend anything. It took me hours to read a few pages, and I had to follow every word with my finger and stop, and go back often.
Proofreading my work is not easy because I always jump over silly mistakes, and I end up getting points off for that. It's discouraging to need to have a friend help you with important assignments when writing was supposed to be your strong suit.
Besides academics, I find my dyslexia is also affecting me in social situations. On the lovely device we call an iPhone, we find these things called memes. Memes really became a popular thing after I started college and what happens is my friends constantly find funny ones, and then they show them to me. I don't have time to read it before they pull it away. I've noticed this produces a kind of shame I have never come across before.
Recently I find myself actually thinking I'm not as smart as the people around me, I constantly go back to when people told me not for feel that was because no one says that here. I go back to the moments my teachers babied me because now I'm afraid to ask my teacher for extra time. I finally am brought to the realization of what dyslexia means for an adult, and I'm finally finding that it's not that easy. All my life I have been told I need to work a little harder, and now, that is actually needed.
I have come to my own realization recently that I have dyslexia and I can't change it, but I can succeed with it. I still get A's in my hardest classes, I have learned on my own how test better and how to read quicker and most importantly how to work as hard as I can and not to feel ashamed when I can't keep up at times.
It takes being your own adult to finally cope with and understand your own struggles and difficulties. Having dyslexia, or any learning disability, in college is not ideal but from what I have learned about myself, what I have been told in the past, and what I didn't believe at the time, any trouble with learning or comprehension doesn't make anyone less capable of achievement. I now understand what it means to work harder and overcome my setbacks and embarrassments because I know I'm smart, and there is no reason I shouldn't succeed.