You could be thinking, since when is it so bad to be selfless compared to selfish?
It isn't. And I've always chosen to live my life that way.
The raw, disgusting truth is living a selfless life is not as admirable as you'd think. Recently, I have had multiple people in my life point out to me my lack of ability to say "no" to people. I am constantly willing to change my schedule, drive the extra thirty miles and be as accommodating as I possibly can to help others. I'd come to work on my day offs to help my manager or ditch my lunch break to meet with someone to help them out. It came naturally to me to think with the mindset of how can I help someone's day be easier, but I forgot to think about myself.
There's a lovely saying that goes, "The only person you can rely on is yourself" but I'm starting to learn the truth of it after all.
I don't think it's as dark of a reality as we proceed it to be, either. It's actually saying, at the end of the day, you're all you got. You can give your heart to strangers and sell your soul to save another, but that doesn't mean people will do the same for you.
I have always been afraid of disappointing people so I give them everything I have. I am not afraid to pull my weight and more in a group or relational setting in order to keep the peace. It was a reward for people to acknowledge that, but a pat on the back wasn't going to cut it anymore. I wasn't happy with who I was while I was trying to make everyone else happy. And there was something very wrong in that, but I chose to ignore it.
But people don't always think the same way you do, it's the beauty of humanity. We meet people who challenge us, shape us and change us. These people can also destroy us as fast as they built us up, and are you happy with who you are when you're standing alone? Are you happy with the things you've done or given up when there is nobody else there anymore?
This is a tough lesson to learn if you've lived a life like mine.
A life where you thought you were doing nothing but good, but the way you treated yourself was bad.
While I will never give up my ways and suddenly change how my brain is wired, but I am more self-aware of who I need to be as a person before I can continue to give myself to others. I will never truly be the person can think of themselves before considering other people involved, but self-awareness of my own mental and physical health is an important factor.
You can't love others until you love yourself.
You also can't help others until you help yourself. Because if you can't fight your own battles, how are you supposed to save the world?