Coming up in a few days is, for so many, the most thankful holiday of the year, Thanksgiving. For queer people, especially queer college students, this could definitely be the first time in a very long time that they will be seeing their families. Because Thanksgiving is not tied to any sort of religion, it is a fairly accessible holiday for any and all people in America to celebrate.
While Thanksgiving is a time for family and celebration, it's important that Thanksgiving essentially erased the Native American and First Nations peoples' heritage because the violence enacted against them during the colonial American time period and every day since then. We still have a long way to go when it comes to fixing damage caused by white, European settlers that so many in this country can trace lineage and cultural heritage back to.
Often times, though, queer folks don't have a great blood-related family to spend the holidays with, and unfortunately are forced into a position to spend their holidays in pretty dangerous environments. As a queer person who moved away from home for college, here is my process to make sure that when I go home for this extended weekend trip, I maintain sanity, stay happy, and most importantly, maintain my queerness.
1. Download onto my phone/laptop every piece of Queer ephemera for later consumption.
This includes all of Shamir's discography, the Steven Universe soundtrack, and movies and musicals like "RENT," "The Color Purple," and "The Normal Heart" (Netflix helps a lot with those ones!) Having all of this queer stuff at your finger tips comes in handy when Hypermasculine Uncle Mike decides your living room is now where all the MEN will be watching FOOTBALL (HOO-RAH) and you're forced off that couch you've been hiding away on all day. Just pop in some headphones and listen to Shamir's voice soothe your gay little soul.
2. Find that Harry Potter-Esq. room in the house where you can hide away, without being bothered.
I don't know about y'all, but I am the third oldest grandchild of over fifty grandchildren now--and I'm only 20 years old. The next oldest is my brother at 16, which means there are at least 49 grandchildren younger than age 16. Whenever my family doesn't host Thanksgiving dinner, the moment I get to the house I find a room that is completely unoccupied to be my getaway location if things get wild.
3. You're never the only one. Whether you find another queer person in your family or just have a queer friend on speed dial, make sure you have someone else to talk to throughout the celebration.
This one is vital. It is so easy to feel like you're drowning in a sea of anti-queer thought when everyone in your family is made up of right-wing, religious zealot, stereotypical Conservative-leaning people. So make sure you've got your college friend's Snapchats and phone numbers on speed dial because visiting unsupportive family is so much easier when you can laugh about the dismal reality of things with someone else going through the same thing.
4. Know that your time home, while not always nourishing, is limited. You'll be back in your own space, with your chosen family soon.
Your chosen family is so important and so real. Your friends love you and fully affirm your queer existence. Being with your blood relatives is only temporary and you are strong enough to get through it. They believe in you. I believe in you. You got this. And you know what? Have a FriendsGiving if you really love the holiday season but you aren't nourished by your blood relatives or if you just want to show your friends that you love them.
5. Remember to take care of yourself while you are home.
When we are thrown back into these unhealthy and unsupportive environments, the first thing that gets thrown out the window is our ability to take care of ourselves. So drink an extra glass of water, remember to stay away from foods you're allergic to, and don't forget about your medications. Just because your family doesn't support you doesn't mean you shouldn't support yourself. Stay strong.