A while back, in the midst of a brunch date, one of my closest friends discussed a topic that was sitting in the “notes” section of my phone for the longest time. I did not want to write about it until I could formulate the ideas properly, and after Saturday’s football game I definitely can formulate at least one solid idea.

Imagine this, you’re standing in line to get into the can of sardines-also known as the stadium-and what appears to be a kind old man walks up behind you. He compliments you on your school pride by pointing at the sticker you have on your cheek, at which point you express gratitude and turn back around. He then taps your shoulder to ask if you have another sticker, and because you do and because you don’t smell anything fishy but the reek of alcohol on his breath (a normal occurrence at the games I should mention) you hand him the sheet of stickers. This action then leads to him leaning in a bit too close to you and asking you to put it on his cheek. Pause. At this point, you are probably weirded out, slightly uncomfortable and despite the fact that he says he is meeting up with his 27-year-old daughter the fact that he calls you beautiful one too many times and is definitely in your personal space is making you apprehensive. Luckily, you’re pulled away by the ticket checking lady and you run inside and away from all the discontent you felt. Then, as you and your friend attempt to find seats lo and behold who comes up behind you?

“Has anyone told yall how beautiful y'all are?” of that very moment the word beautiful had been applied to my friend and me at least 30 times. As my professor, Michael, stated, “I would have run after him with a mace and some confetti,” Yes Michael, I too, at that very moment was hypothetically running after him with a mace and monochromatic confetti – not colorful so as to not hide my absolute abhorrence of the situation I was in. Here is the issue: this situation is not a hypothetical. It is a real encounter that my friend and I faced that left us both dazed, and highly uncomfortable, and it leads me back to the topic my friend mentioned at brunch.

She worked as a pharmaceutical technician for a while, and at the time she got plenty of unwanted comments regarding her physical appearance. It is particularly a problem because these comments are worded as positively as possible until you consider the context. Basically the equivalent of catcalling but done in a passive way, and similar to how I felt stranded and out of place at the beginning of the football game she felt alienated as if the only thing protecting her was the window of the pharmacy. If I were to break down the issue at hand and really sum it up this idea of passive predation is a real issue. Personally, I have not encountered it frequently so when it happened to me at the game- of all places-I was especially taken aback. Then I could really focus on what my friend was talking about: It is this feeling of pressure that a person puts on you when they supposedly “compliment” you with innuendo laced words. It is confusion and feeling disgusted in your own skin, all wrapped up and placed in a tiny box you cannot escape. The worst part is that sometimes people get the wrong idea. Compliments are fantastic, letting a person know that you appreciate them, and or their work is an excellent thing to do, but there is a fine line between complimenting someone and just being creepy and invasive. My friend would tell us that men would walk into the store and while she filled up their prescriptions they would casually tell her she was beautiful. Sure, to an extent that is fine. How about when those men then ask her for her number? Not as fine, but we’re still toeing the line on this one for the sake of this example. Now, what about when she refuses and they threaten to get her fired? Or they verbally abuse her after she says no? At what point is the line crossed? I am grateful that the man at the football game eventually left us alone, and that it did not get to the point where I did have to use a mace, but that situation did not even have to exist. As someone that works as a pharm tech, my friend should not have to go to work fearing the people that might come in. However most of all, we should not have to be trained to watch out for these people, as if we could avoid them at all times. Should my friend not work because there are people she feels adverse to? Should I not go to the football games from now on in the fear of strange old men? Not necessarily. It would be easy for me to say, “Perhaps if all these people stopped being predacious, things would work out.” Yes, in a perfect world everyone would understand everything and all the predatory people out there would suddenly give up and go about their lives, but for now the answer should not be to hide your children from the world. So while I am aware of the fact that my words, nor the words of countless others will change the way this world works, I am hoping that it might bring awareness. For now, I would definitely consider carrying around a mace and some confetti.