Have you ever had to make a really difficult decision? For example, let's say you have a pretty serious exam coming up in two days.

You made a B on the last one but you're really trying to do better so you know you should study. But then your friends invite you to hang out with them the night before an exam. One of your friends from back home that you haven't seen in awhile is even going to be there. As tough as it is, and after weighing all of the options, which one would you choose?

That decision-making process, that feeling like you're stuck between a rock and hard place? This is, on a smaller scale obviously, what it's like being black and queer.

Black spaces are, for the most part very religious, especially in the south where I was raised. Everyone goes to that stereotypical "black church" and grew up singing in the choir.

And for whatever reason, religion, namely the Christianity that was fed to enslaved Africans by white people has stayed with us. Said religion is also, for whatever reason, directly at odds with LGBTQ+ people.

In the black community, being queer is framed as a "white people disease" or a "white people problem. " Mental health is also discussed in a similar fashion. Therefore, being the queer perspective is left out of many movements or is purposely silenced and suppressed for the "face" of the movement, like Black Lives Matter or the Civil Rights Movement.

One reason for this silencing is the hypermasculinization of black men stemming from the old brute stereotype. With that hypermasculinization comes the rejection of any other form of masculinity, affecting the way trans and queer black men may feel and be mistreated.

The opposite of this is the way black women are often used as props and not valued for the time and effort they put into what they do, but rather for how they look. And what they look like is either fetishized or scrutinized but never simply accepted.

For black women it's either "she's too pretty to be gay" or "she looks like a dude" but never "wow there's a black woman whose appearance I am not going to comment on".

But then there are queer spaces...

Many queer spaces are ultra-white and very cisgender. Which, if you're a queer person of color, can be very off-putting because you don't really want a cis white gay to explain oppression to you or for you.

But you also want to be in a place where people who are also queer know what struggles you have in such a heterosexist world.

So are we queer or are we black?

In certain situations, you have to choose which is more important to you. At Thanksgiving dinner when your homophobic uncle says something homophobic and you almost choke on your stuffing because you're the "gay cousin" you have to laugh along and "be black." Since you can't be queer and stand up for yourself without outing yourself to your whole family.

Or when you're with all of your queer friends and one of them says something slightly racially offensive but everyone else is laughing so you have to "be queer" and laugh along because where else are you going to find queer friends?

So again the question is, are we black or are we queer?

The answer is that no one should ever have to choose which part of themselves is more or less important than any other.