Expectation: "A strong belief that something will happen or be the case in the future." -- Oxford English Dictionary
Expectations: "A guaranteed way for you to make sure that people will consistently disappoint you." -- Urban Dictionary
I grew up in Southern California, where the standards are higher than high, and success is defined by how many zeros are tacked onto the end of your salary. Surrounded by incredibly wealthy and “successful” families, I knew from a young age that I, too, must not only meet these expectations but surpass them.
Being an “overachiever” hardly meant anything where I grew up; there was always someone who had better grades, more volunteer hours or excelled on basically a professional level for whatever their passion was. Regardless of the fact, I created my own impossible expectations on myself on top of where the bar was set.
After moving to the Midwest and diving headfirst into college life, I still struggle with the expectations I grew up with. I’m working on it and I don’t entirely know if I’ve figured out where to go from here, but I do know:
Being better than the best leaves little room for empathy and emotional growth.
Planning out every detail prevents from experiencing life in the moment.
Having to control every little thing chokes flexibility and ends in disappointment.
Life doesn’t guarantee anything -- and it’s not supposed to.
Letting go of these expectations I’ve placed on myself is an active practice that I have to put effort into every single time someone cancels last minute or new plans turn my world upside down.
Does it mean that I’m this super zen, calm, go with the flow sort of person? Absolutely not.
Does it mean that I’m human and realizing my own experience? Absolutely, 100 percent yes.
Maybe holding up other people to the same impossible expectations is just as unfair and destructive to their lives as well as yours. No one’s expectations can define who you are, only you can do that. Our actions give us whatever necessary definition we may be seeking, but nothing about any of us is definite.
If you’re looking for a sign, this is it. It’s time to lower your expectations and to love and live boldly.