When you love someone with self-doubt, you need to understand a few things. This is not the kind of "self-doubt" that most people experience. It is not just "Do I look pretty next to her?" or "Will he call back?" It is a constant, daily questioning of one's self-worth. A level of unsureness lacerates each one of us, the doubters, in a way that we are worried that we deserve anything at all. Something as small as the door being held open for us, or a thank you for anything at all. We don't love the same way everyone else does, in fact if over-loving was possible, that is what we try to do. We hold onto the people in our lives, providing any kind of service so that we are needed, so that there is a reason for us to be around because we can't justify that someone would simply just want to be around us for no benefit or reason at all. But in the same vein, we try not to call people permanent names, especially in relationships, because why get your hopes up?

Liking ourselves is a whole different story. We're taught our whole lives to not be vain, to be humble, while the world makes millions off the vanity of others and the self-doubt of sad young people. So we feel guilty to find ourselves attractive or worthy, and so compliments only feel good when they're from a stranger because somehow they feel less out of pity.

So when you're trying to hit on me, and you call me pretty or whatever else you want to say, I smile and type too many "haha's" because that's funny to me. Because at the end of the day, there is only one thing that person wants. And often that's okay, but when you love someone with self-doubt, it helps to tell them something they haven't heard before. Something like "I love the way you think about the parts of history everyone else forgets" or "your eyes aren't just blue, they're swimming pools" And while not everyone speaks like Hemingway, we can believe these things a little more, because you took the time to think about us in a genuine way.

It is important to tell these people you love them when it isn't a response to their love. When it's 4 pm and their favorite song comes on the radio, text them that you love them just because, not as a second nature reaction, but a real thought. We all self-doubt. As girls, boys, teenagers, parents in their 40s, and grandparents in their 80s. Our levels are different, but still hurt the same, and we will always need extra reassurance of our worth, just like everyone else. It takes longer to love someone with self-doubt because it takes longer for us to accept your love as real. And it's all internal, nothing to do with anyone else. Something happened to each person who doubts at some point in our lives that had us predisposition to feel invisible, and it's going to take a certain person to give us something to believe in.

So know that our love is genuine and that the word is sacred to us because it feels as far away as heaven sometimes. Just a concept to look forward too so we can all sleep at night.