To anyone who needs to hear this:
Everyone feels depressed from time to time, but not everyone has depression. With that being said, not everyone fully understands depression. Loving someone with depression does not put you on a pedestal. It isn't an act of kindness. People with depression deserve the same love, but that does not mean they demand "special treatment."
When you don't have depression, it may be hard for you to comprehend the lows that come with it. The person you love can be so full of life and then experience extreme sadness and hopelessness. You may think that it is a temperamental thing, but it is not. People with depression don't choose to be sad when things don't go their way.
Never say, "You aren't depressed when____ happens." You must understand that depression is not situational. It isn't always caused by trauma. It can be genetic, or be caused by a chemical imbalance.
If you love someone with depression, you may notice that sometimes they don't want to go and do things with you. It doesn't mean that they're lazy, nor does it mean they are boring.
When a person struggles with depression, they often lose interest in things. Maybe they'll want to sit and watch TV all day, maybe they want to be alone. Regardless, it usually has nothing to do with you, rather how they're feeling internally.
"Are you listening to me?" sounds like nails on a chalk board to a depressed person. If they're staring into space while you're talking, it is not because they don't care. Most likely, their thoughts are racing, they're worried about something, or ruminating. They aren't ignoring you, and it's not that they don't want to listen, it is that they can't sometimes. Understandably so, this is frustrating, but if you must understand it isn't because of you.
Not every depressed person is on medication. Whether they are or are not is between them and their doctor, not you. You should never suggest medication to them, because you don't know what they have experienced prior.
You also must understand that anti-depressants are not "happy pills." They can take weeks to work, and often have side-affects. So, if your significant other complains of nausea, dizziness, or irritability, they are not just making excuses not to see you.
Like all things, loving someone with depression has its ups and downs. Depression is more than just feeling sad, its a distorted image, low-self esteem, sleepless nights, and a loss of interest. To those of you who love someone with depression and continue to do so, thank you. To those of you who have left someone due to their mental illness, you never deserved them in the first place.
With love,
Someone who has been on both sides