First of all, I want to say thank you to the man who is able to calm the storm.

I know it isn’t easy dealing with someone like me — someone who constantly feels like she isn’t good enough, pretty enough or smart enough for someone to love me because that’s all I’ve ever been told by the men closest to me.

It’s true what they say — that abuse isn’t always physical. I’ve encountered it all: mental, emotional, sexual and physical abuse. All my relationships in the past have held an aspect of abuse. Until now.

Until now, words made by my significant other cut me like a dagger. I’ve been called a slut, a whore, worthless and every other name you can think of. I’ve been compared to other women and listened in pain while the guy I thought I loved gushed over other girls who were more than I ever could be.

When I flinch at the thought of other girls or my eyes flash green out of jealousy, know that it isn’t your fault. I know you aren’t him, but the broken pieces of my past still linger under the surface. I hate that about myself, and I will go ahead an apologize for my constant need for reassurance. Just remind me of your love, and I will be OK.

Until now, fights in relationships consumed me. There have been numerous times I’ve found myself hiding under the covers while my significant other lashed out at me for being human. I can’t begin to count the nights I cried over the toilet in a fit of anxiety that was so intense, I felt physically ill. I never knew what it was like to feel safe because I wasn’t even safe with the person who was supposed to be there for me.

When I cry out of nowhere or hug you so tight it feels like I’m squeezing your heart out of your chest, just know it’s because of how grateful I am for your love. I have never known someone who actually makes me feel safe or wanted. Until now.

Until now, I thought love was equivalent to pain. I was made to feel worthless for so long that I just accepted the fact. I learned to bite my tongue because what I said was "stupid" or didn’t matter to the person who was supposed to listen to me. I still remember the first time I was called annoying, and that feeling stays with me to this day. I have always been “too much,” so in return, I learned to dull my light.

You already know I can’t talk about myself for too long without apologies escaping my lips. When you wonder why I don’t see in myself what you see in me, just remember it’s because no one ever saw such goodness in me before.

I can't express my thanks for you accepting me for who I am today and for my past.

You're the first true relationship I've ever been a part of, and for that, I am forever grateful.