Everyone is familiar with the feeling of having “butterflies in your stomach” when you are about to sit down for a job interview, or when you are about to take a test. The butterflies flutter around for a little while, but eventually, without you even really recognizing it, they go away and everything is peaceful again. But when you live with anxiety, it feels as though the butterflies in your stomach never fly away and you become trapped inside of your own mind, unable to escape. If you are a person watching a loved one struggling with anxiety, it can be difficult to understand, but it is something we must learn to do in order strengthen relationships and be strong for those around us who have trouble staying strong for themselves.
I was formally diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder when I was sixteen-years-old, but have struggled with it for my entire life. I was often made fun of because even the simplest tasks, such as ordering food by myself, was impossible. I would beg friends to order for me, and if they would refuse, I would just go hungry. As stupid as it sounds, my anxiety was so debilitating that I would rather come up with excuses as to why I wouldn't eat than to just order by myself. Loving someone with anxiety means accepting that sometimes you might not understand why your loved one can't just perform these simple tasks themselves. Truth be told, a lot of the time, we don’t even understand ourselves. Truly, if I could have just ordered my own food, I would have. But it was never that easy. It was actually one of the most difficult things you could have asked me to do. I can't tell you why. I honestly have no idea... All I know is the overwhelming anxiety that always came with the idea of being faced with ordering food at a restaurant.
Loving someone with anxiety is not going to be something “beautiful," or something interesting. It's gonna be stressful. Many people romanticize the idea of mental illness, but there is nothing "disastrously beautiful" about sitting in class, biting your nails and literally counting each second passing by. It is going to be hard to find the right things to say, but telling me to “just relax” or “stop thinking about it” is not going to help. If I could do either of those, I would not have an issue with anxiety. Remind me to breathe, or just be a listening ear if you can handle it. Do not forget, you are not solely responsible for anyone during their panic attack. If it becomes too much, it is okay to reach out for help.
All in all, you cannot make sense of something that simply does not make sense. That is the case with anxiety. My family, friends, and even I, myself, have spent so much time and energy trying to make sense of the way I was feeling, but sometimes there is simply no rhyme or reason, and that is okay. The key is to accept that there is no easy fix. You can love the person struggling. You can support them. But you can't fix them. And they don't need you to. When you love a person with anxiety, that might be all they need you to do… love them.