Breathing is a necessity for life. Our bodies depend on oxygen the same way babies depend on their mothers, and without it, we will die. If we hold our breath for too long, we get dizzy; our vision grays, our chest starts aching. We feel the need for the oxygen deep in the pits of our stomachs.
Anxiety attacks feel the same way, except sometimes our hands shake and sometimes our heart starts racing and sometimes we struggle to pull in air even when we’re trying our best to breathe. Anxiety attacks numb our mind and steal our rational thinking, because sometimes we know there is nothing there. Sometimes we’re just sitting in class and all of a sudden we can't breathe and we’re panicking.
Loving someone with anxiety is not a chore. It's not something to dread. It's not something to laugh about because you desperately hope you won't find someone like that. Anxiety cannot be helped. Anxiety isn't something we choose.
Loving us can be difficult, I’ll admit it. Our minds work differently and there are things we need that sometimes may be hard to understand. We don't do it on purpose. We just want to feel safe.
Loving us can mean that you have to break down our defenses. We've built wall after wall after wall around our minds to keep out the bad things and live in a protected environment inside ourselves. We struggle to get out of our comfort zone and we struggle to accept anything that doesn't seem like it belongs. You'll have to work to get us to trust that you won't leave, but it'll be worth it.
Loving us can mean that you always have to text first. We never do, because we think that we’re annoying you. We’re hypersensitive to any change in emotion, to any slight difference in the way you talk or text, and we respond as if you'd just screamed at us. It could be something as simple as not sending an emoji when you usually do. It can be something that seems stupid to you, but for us it's such a big deal. We overthink everything and wind up thinking that you hate us. Trust me, it's a sucky feeling.
Loving us can mean coaxing us out of our own heads. As I said before, we overthink everything. We overthink every single interaction we've ever had and analyze every aspect of it until we've exhausted ourselves and probably sent ourselves spiraling into a panic attack. We can't help it. Everything we do, we’re terrified we’ll mess up and make everyone hates us.
Loving us is one of the best choices you'll ever make, however. We cling to the people we let in because we’re terrified they'll leave. We give our all to anyone who shows us affection and we don't take our hearts back. We will do anything and everything for the people with love.
Loving someone with anxiety can be difficult, but God, I promise it's worth it.