If You Love Yourself, Don't Chase Him

If You Love Yourself, Don't Chase Him

You can't anchor a ship that is still trying to sail.
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Every girl wants to feel desired. You want to feel admired and beautiful.

You want someone to take an interest in the very core of who you are; someone who sees right through your insecurities and the wall you put up, and just sees you; the beautiful, smart, fearless girl that you are.

He was all of those things.

He saw you. He saw your feistiness and your rage. He saw your beauty and your grace. He saw your sadness and your tears. He was there for all of it.

And just as quickly as he knocked down your walls, he was gone.

Maybe it was your own fault he left. Maybe it wasn’t. Either way, you’re left in a mess.

But even as years have passed, you still think of him. He still interrupts the quiets of your day, still invades your dreams at night, still harbors your tears in moments of nostalgia.

But darling, don’t let those thoughts drag you down. Don’t keep swimming in the waters of heartache, anchoring yourself to “what if’s.”

Every person on this earth deserves to be fought for. Mistakes are made, values shift and circumstances change, but your value never does.

That boy might be a beautiful dream you tucked in your pocket; a fantasy for a rainy day. He might even be your soulmate, the man God always intended you to marry.

No matter what destiny has laid out for you, please do not ever forget to let yourself be fought for. It’s easy to keep reaching out and making all the efforts.

It feels so good to try to move things more quickly and make it all fit perfectly, but you’re jamming square pegs in round holes.

If a man wants you in his life, he will make the effort. He will call, email, text, make plans. He will let you know every reason he needs you and forgive you for whatever went wrong.

He will make amends and keep fighting for you.

But if he doesn’t. If he calls and texts but doesn’t make plans. If you’re standing there, always unsure of his intentions, then he isn’t fighting.

If he doesn’t tell you he wants to be with you and actually says that sentence, “I want to be with you,” then let it go.

You can’t anchor a ship that’s still trying to sail.

He can miss you and love you, but that does not mean he can fight for you.

Please do not ever sell yourself short. He can come back a million times without ever actually being back.

Do not let your love for him cloud your judgment.

Imagine you have a daughter. Would you want a man to fight for her? To value who she is? You wouldn’t send her chasing the bumper of a moving car, so please don’t ever do that to yourself.

Maybe someday he’ll be yours. Maybe he’s supposed to be, but do not ever sacrifice yourself, your value or your needs for a chance at being with him.

And listen to your friends. They love you deeply. They don’t want to watch you hurt. They don’t want to hand you Kleenex and watch you struggle with whether or not to ask him to hang out again.

If he wants you, he will come and get you. He will be specific. He will ask you on a date, using the word date. He will ask you to be in a relationship with him. He will talk about a future. And he will value your heart the way he would a child’s.

Darling, if it doesn’t look like this, don’t take it. You are SO much more than you give yourself credit for.

Love yourself first, and he will too. Love yourself first, and the right love will find you.

Cover Image Credit: pxhere images

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The Truth About Dating A Girl With An Anxiety Disorder

She knows how annoying she can be, but she just prays you love her regardless of her flaws.

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Anxiety: A nervous disorder characterized by a state of excessive uneasiness and apprehension, typically with compulsive behavior or panic attacks.

The definition makes it sound really daunting. Truthfully, there is no one way to describe generalized anxiety disorder if you have it. It is hard to live with, hard to cope with and unfortunately, really hard to date with.

Girls with anxiety are different than the average girl when it comes to relationships. That's just an honest statement, no matter how much it hurts me to say it.

We need the constant reminder that you love us, even though we know in our hearts that you do. We panic when you don't answer your phone, in fear that we did something wrong. We care about your feelings when you say that we don't need to worry and we need to be a little calmer. But it's so damn hard.

It isn't easy to love someone who worries about everything 24/7. Half the time, we know we shouldn't be doing the things we do. We know we shouldn't blow up your phone or ask just one more time if you are mad at us. But we can't help it. It says it right in the definition: compulsive behavior due to excessive uneasiness.

Being with a girl with anxiety is probably downright exhausting. It's exhausting for us to have our minds constantly running and worrying. But I promise it's worth it.

We come to you with everything because you are the one person who always knows how to make us feel better. When we are happy, you are the one person we want to be happy with. We all know the constant reassurance, reminders and the same old arguments get old. It gets old to us too.

There was never a time I wanted to have a panic attack because my boyfriend wasn't answering his phone. In my head, I knew where he was because he was usually in the same three places. I knew he wasn't mad at me because I didn't do anything to make him upset. I knew how busy he was with his classes and he was probably studying and I needed to give him space. But the little voice in my head always argued, "What if you did something wrong? What if he's ignoring you because he's angry? What if he's seen your messages and calls, but no longer wants to be with you?" And then I give in. I call, I text, I cry, I panic. Only to feel even worse 10, 30 or 50 minutes later because you answer angrily, telling me what I already knew after I did what I knew I shouldn't have done.

Having anxiety is almost like having a drug addiction. You know all the things that trigger you. You know all the ways to stay away from the bad places in your mind so you don't end up relapsing. But you do anyway and it hurts worse every single time.

Dating a girl with anxiety is as hard as it gets, but she will love you like no other. She is so incredibly thankful for all the things you put up with to be with her. Because she is worried about being loved, she goes the extra mile to always remind you how much you are loved. She always asks if you are ok because she cares about the answer and knows what it's like not to be ok.

The truth is that dating anybody with anxiety is difficult, but it isn't impossible. You get back everything you put in, even though you may not realize it. Trust me, she is sorry for being the annoying, crying, worried, naggy mess and it embarrasses her because she knows better and she wants to be better for you. But please love her. Hold her, understand her, listen to her, calm her, be there for her. In your heart, you know she would turn around and do all the same things for you in a heartbeat.

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The 7 Stages Of A Breakup, As Told By Netflix's 'Someone Great'

Alexa play "Truth Hurts" by Lizzo, and max volume, please.

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We all know how it feels to get your heart broken by a guy. Whether it be in your teens or in your 30s, everyone experiences it, or already has. After watching the movie “Someone Great" on Netflix, it hit me deep in my feels. If you haven't seen it yet, check it out. It made me realize all of the stages of going through a rough breakup, and I could not relate to a movie more.

1. When you first breakup and will cry about it to just about anyone

We all know that we do this almost immediately after a break-up. You are just trying to get out of the house so you go to the store, something reminds you of our ex, and next thing you know, you're talking the stranger's ear off in the grocery store for the next 2 hours.

2. When your friends call you and you say you're fine but you really haven't moved from your couch in two days and all you have done is eat two gallons of ice cream and watch "The Notebook" on repeat

"Just come do something with us, or let us come there."

"Nah, I'm okay, I actually have a super busy day today."

Yeah, if you mean busy as in binge-watching every episode of "Pretty Little Liars," then yeah, count me out of all plans so I can rewatch every episode for the next 3 weeks. We all know that feeling of not wanting to move out of bed for as long as you can after a break-up.

3. When that ONE song comes on at the mall, and you suddenly realize it was "your" song

This one hits differently. You're literally just minding your own business, trying to treat yourself to a little bit of a wardrobe change because of how sad you have been all week and BAM, it hits you like a train. Next thing you know you're crying in the dressing room of Forever 21 wondering where it all went wrong.

4. Finally caving in and hanging with your friends, realizing that this is what you needed all along

You never want to leave your bed after a breakup, you seem to cancel or bail out on every plan you try to make, then finally, after you have run out of tears, you actually follow through with a girl's night, and then you suddenly realize that all along, just time spent with the gals is what you needed. Trust me, been there, done that. In most cases, a dance party is also well needed.

5. The morning after your girl’s night, you realize that having these gals is better than the boy 

Having your girls there for you in such a tough time actually helps so much. It helps save the tears, the constant replaying of memories in your head, and saves you the time you could be wasting if you're sinking into a deep sadness over something so dumb. That support system is vital for post-breakup, and even I know that.

6. You let him go one last time

Whether it be writing a letter, throwing away all your old memories with him, or by finally getting all your clothes back from his place that have piled up over the past few months or years. It is a truly bittersweet feeling and might even hurt a little, but it's time. You're going to thrive without him.

7. You truly know how much better you’re doing without him

You have reached the point of no return. You’re finally thriving without him. You’re never going back, and you know how much potential your life has and how much better you are without him. Your heart is whole again.

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