Kole,
I remember the day you were born, I mean I was three so it's a little foggy but I remember the joy and love that filled me when I saw you for the first time. But I also remember the fear that filled me when you couldn't come home.
When you were finally free from the hospital I was overjoyed, you were here and you were staying for good.
When I held you for the first time I was terrified that I would drop you, but I also felt empowered and protective. Nobody could hurt you but me, and I am afraid in the years that followed I may have taken that to heart.
I am sorry for the times I picked on you as kids and the times that I made you cry.
Whenever I see you cry my heart breaks a little because you deserve so much more than sadness. I would do anything to make you smile.
Do you remember our secret handshake? Because I am ashamed to say that I don't, not anymore. After all these years and all of the hardships I am afraid to say that we aren't each others best friend anymore. But I suppose that is ok because I can protect and love you better as an older sister than I ever could as your friend.
Now that you are sixteen, you have independence. You can drive and discover things on your own. I just want to tell you a few things before you go off and discover the world. I know that you have a few more years of high school left, so don't waste them.
Use this time to continue discovering yourself and what you want to do. Don't worry so much about the future because it will always be uncertain, and don't dwell on the past because you may end up trapped there unable to move forward (I know I did). You need to focus on the present because it is the only thing you can really change.
I want to thank you for being the best younger brother I could ever have.
I know we don't say it as much as we used to when we were kids, but I love you Kole. Always have and I always will, no matter what.