"We'll have a skype date every week!"
"Let's get together over every break!"
"We can visit each other's schools!"
"We'll be best friends forever."
How many of you have said these words to your high school friends before you left for college? I know I have promised all of these things to my "BFFLs." That was back before I regretted all of them.
We met on the third grade playground during recess. I asked to join your game of tag and you let me. Next recess, I returned to play with you, a habit that quickly stuck. Soon after, others fell in line, and I was introduced to the existing members of your regular play-date group. Recess games led to nicknames, play-dates, sleepovers, and eventually, fights.
Middle school tested our loyalty (and sanity), but we managed to stay together up until our high school graduation, when we promised each other eternal friendship.
I wonder if the story of your friend group is unlike mine. I also wonder if your friendships have stood the test of college, or if you long to pull away like I do.
It's easy to feel guilty when you desire to move on from your old friends. I told myself that, because our friendship has lasted over 10 years, it should last a lifetime. I still muddle over whether breaking away is the right thing to do.
When I left for college, I chose friends that I believe are the best I have ever encountered. My tiny high school was like the menu at the local diner. Small, unchanging, and overrated. In contrast, Centre is the largest buffet you have ever seen. See, in college, you have the freedom to leave. If you have the freedom to transfer, you can remove yourself from an environment that has ceased to enrich your life in a positive way. I did not have this freedom growing up, so I stuck to what I knew.
Returning home for the summer, I was skeptical that I would fall back into place with my old friends. Conversations over pancakes turned into hurtful debates over topics near and dear to my heart, and sleepovers became a game show judging me for life choices that made me happy. However, I am not attacking them for changing, because I have changed as well. I have developed a few mental illnesses as a result of my neurological disposition and traumatic experiences. I changed in a way that my friends could not handle. Yet, they chose to question my trauma and judge my recovery rather than educate themselves in order to support me.
My new friends stood up for me when I was being emotionally kicked down. Instead of pulling me away from my old group, they reassured me of my independence and encouraged me to do whatever makes me happy. I was reminded that toxic friendships are like vines that choke and swallow a garden. They create an environment of pressure and conformity where creativity once bloomed. And so, I have decided to let these toxic friendships go.
I have never felt more confident about my sense of self than I do now. I have been lucky enough to surround myself with driven people that share my interests, build me up academically and personally, and are there for me when I fall short.
Do not be afraid to question the health of your relationships. Do not let yourself be brought down by negative influences. Listen to your heart and make the best decision for you. Letting go of your past might be the best decision for your future.
