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Keeping Romance Alive While Married With Children Is Possible If You Focus On These 5 Things

How to keep the romance in your marriage when you have children.

Katy Messina

Nov 13, 2018

National Storytellers Society

Keeping Romance Alive While Married With Children Is Possible If You Focus On These 5 Things

https://www.pexels.com/photo/love-people-romance-engagement-18396/

My husband and I have been married for a year now.

We also have three children from my previous marriage. When we walked into this marriage, we didn't get a honeymoon phase where it was just the two of us. We were automatically thrown into the married with three children life. Those of you who have three children, you know this isn't a walk in the park. We went through a multitude of changes in the short time we have been living together and married.

We have known each other since we were thirteen but living in different states. When we finally decided we were all in, my husband moved from Minnesota to Mississippi for us to have a real shot. So we went from living completely separate lives to living together. With three children. He was the real champ; I was used to life with three kids. He had what we like to call his "training day" because my aunt was there, then he jumped into the stay at home dad life while I worked and he searched for a job.

It was definitely hard and stressful, but we learned a few things in order to keep the romance alive.

First things first, discover your love language.

My husband and I have completely different love languages. Mine is words of affirmation, and his is quality time. While my husband appreciates when I tell him how much I appreciate him, which I do very often, he really needs that quality time together in order to feel connected. For me, I need to hear that I'm doing a great job. I need to hear that he loves me and needs me. Since we have different love languages, we often express love in the way we would want to feel loved.

Make each other a priority

My husband and I struggle with this one a lot. Between children, my job, school, and him being in the Army there are not always enough hours in the day. We try our best to go to bed together, but he requires more wind down time and less sleep than I do so it doesn't always work. What I do know, is that on weeks we let our other priorities top our time together there is a disconnect.

Go on dates.

These don't have to be big, extravagant, and expensive dates. Go to the park together. Go to the movies. Go to Starbucks and just talk. One of our favorites is going for Mexican food and then walking through an office supply store. The important thing to take away from this is to spend time together.

Choose love.

Love is a choice. You have to wake up every day with the intention of loving your partner. It is not always easy. You have to see the very worst parts of a person, all of their darkness, and then choose to love them anyway. One of the benefits of knowing each other so long, my husband and I know each others darkest corners. We understand each other on a level that only thousands of hours of conversation can achieve. We choose love. Everyday.

Intimacy

Intimacy is a big part of any relationship. I'm not only talking about physical intimacy. I'm talking about the kind of intimacy that leaves your soul laid bare in front of your partner. I've always had a problem with being who I am, because I've never liked myself very much. I still don't like myself, but I'm now able to share those feelings with my partner because he understands who I am on a much deeper level.

While this is not the end all of a healthy marriage, we have found that these five things have kept us going so far. True love is really hard to find these days. And even harder to keep. You have to make the decision every single day.

25 Beatles Lyrics: Your Go-To Guide for Every Situation

The Best Lines from the Fab Four

SUNY Binghamton

31298

Wikipedia Commons

For as long as I can remember, I have been listening to The Beatles. Every year, my mom would appropriately blast “Birthday” on anyone’s birthday. I knew all of the words to “Back In The U.S.S.R” by the time I was 5 (Even though I had no idea what or where the U.S.S.R was). I grew up with John, Paul, George, and Ringo instead Justin, JC, Joey, Chris and Lance (I had to google N*SYNC to remember their names). The highlight of my short life was Paul McCartney in concert twice. I’m not someone to “fangirl” but those days I fangirled hard. The music of The Beatles has gotten me through everything. Their songs have brought me more joy, peace, and comfort. I can listen to them in any situation and find what I need. Here are the best lyrics from The Beatles for every and any occasion.

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Student Life

Waitlisted for a College Class? Here's What to Do!

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

Smith College

94998

college students waiting in a long line in the hallway

StableDiffusion

Course registration at college can be a big hassle and is almost never talked about. Classes you want to take fill up before you get a chance to register. You might change your mind about a class you want to take and must struggle to find another class to fit in the same time period. You also have to make sure no classes clash by time. Like I said, it's a big hassle.

This semester, I was waitlisted for two classes. Most people in this situation, especially first years, freak out because they don't know what to do. Here is what you should do when this happens.

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waitlisted

Recommended for you

Keeping Romance Alive While Married With Children Is Possible If You Focus On These 5 Things

How to keep the romance in your marriage when you have children.

First things first, discover your love language.

Make each other a priority

Go on dates.

Choose love.

Intimacy

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The Best Lines from the Fab Four

And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make

The sun is up, the sky is blue, it's beautiful and so are you

Love is old, love is new, love is all, love is you

There's nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be

Life is very short, and there's no time for fussing and fighting, my friend

He say, "I know you, you know me", One thing I can tell you is you got to be free

Oh please, say to me, You'll let me be your man. And please say to me, You'll let me hold your hand

It was twenty years ago today, Sgt. Pepper taught the band to play. They've been going in and out of style, but they're guaranteed to raise a smile

Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see

Can you hear me? When it rains and shine, it's just a state of mind

Little darling, it's been long cold lonely winter. Little darling, it feels like years since it' s been here. Here comes the sun, Here comes the sun, and I say it's alright

We danced through the night and we held each other tight, and before too long I fell in love with her. Now, I'll never dance with another when I saw her standing there

I love you, I love you, I love you, that's all I want to say

You say you want a revolution. Well you know, we all want to change the world

All the lonely people, where do they all come from. All the lonely people, where do they all belong

Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends

Hey Jude, don't make it bad. Take a sad song and make it better

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away. Now it looks as though they're here to stay. Oh, I believe in yesterday

And when the brokenhearted people, living in the world agree, there will be an answer, let it be.

And anytime you feel the pain, Hey Jude, refrain. Don't carry the world upon your shoulders

I'll give you all I got to give if you say you'll love me too. I may not have a lot to give but what I got I'll give to you. I don't care too much for money. Money can't buy me love

All you need is love, love is all you need

Whisper words of wisdom, let it be

Blackbird singing in the dead of night, Take these broken wings and learn to fly. All your life, You were only waiting for this moment to arise

Though I know I'll never lose affection, for people and things that went before. I know I'll often stop and think about them. In my life, I love you more

Obviously the best superpower.

There have been many lessons learned.

1. The importance of traditions.

2. How to be thankful for family and friends.

3. How to give back.

4. What the word "community" really means.

5. That it isn't about the destination, but the journey.

6. The consequences of making bad choices.

7. To trust people, until you have a reason not to.

8. To be welcoming and accepting of everyone.

9. How to be my own, individual person.

10. How to work for what I want.

11. How to be great at giving directions.

12. How to be humble.

13. To be well-rounded.

14. How to be great at conflict resolution.

15. The beauty of getting outside and exploring.

16. To be prepared for anything.

17. That you don't always have to do it alone.

18. How to be creative.

19. To brush off gossip.

I have never been so thankful to know you.

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

Don't freak out

Email the professor

Attend the first class

Keep attending class

Have a backup plan

Remember that everything works out at the end

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