People say actions speak louder than words, but for me, I desperately need those words to validate my feelings even when their actions say one thing or another, which is the biggest curse. Someone once told me, "believe all of what you see and half of what you hear", so you can see my dilemma, but words continue to feed my soul.

Maybe it’s because I find satisfaction in sharing my thoughts and feelings through my words, so I crave it in return. Maybe it’s because words are definite, even though they can be misinterpreted, but once you say one thing, it stays out there forever. So, even when the feelings change and the circumstances vary, I can cherish the love letters and words of devotion that once lingered between the two of us.

I don’t need to be showered in gifts or see you everyday or hold your hand every chance I get, even though those are perks, but I like to be told I’m important, that I’m worth it, and I’m all you could have wanted. I want to be told I’m loved and be let in, but of course, I want actions to match those fickle words. However, that’s not always the case and that can be heartbreaking.

I think my love language is words of affirmations because I want to be let in, and words are one of the only ways I get a glimpse into what is going through your mind and soul. People only show what they want us to see, but eventually with closeness, all your colors pour out— whether that’s through communication or actions. You can’t hide who you really are, down to your core, because your essence tries to slide out every time we let down a wall to our heart. Our essence wants to be there, bare and bold, but we are guarded and don’t want to wear our heart on our sleeves.

We are scared— filled with fears of rejection, pain, and heartbreak— and we lose ourselves a little when we belittle our feelings and the words we so desperately want to say. I personally don’t want to have any regrets, even when I’m letting people and things go, so I’m always sure to get out what I need to say and try to get it across for them to understand where I’m coming from.

Nothing is worse than wishing you would have told someone how you felt before it’s too late, but it’s best to do it from a place of love and openness because at the end of the day, the hurt in your heart or the faint words in your mind are being toxic to you, and no one else. Your lack of forgiveness and holding onto the betrayal is hurting you, not them. So say what you need to say and free yourself in the meantime— stop replaying those beautiful moments that are no more, stop creating scenarios of what you should have said instead during the heat of the moment, stop letting their betrayal and lies linger in your life any longer. You deserve more than that, and one day, you will find someone whose actions and words match.