My anxiety tries to convince me at the worst moments that I am not worthy of love.
This isn't just the romantic type of love but also love from family, friends, and the community. I wish I could tell my anxiety to stop trying to convince me that I'm not worthy of love, but anxiety doesn't work that way.
I always find myself questioning my relationships with people.
Even people I have been friends with for the longest time. Questions that go through my head on any given day: "Why would anyone want to be friends with me?" or "Why would anyone ever love me?" In the past, I have ended relationships with not only significant others' but even with friends because I was so insecure about our relationship. How could anyone handle being friends with ME? The girl with high functioning anxiety?
Anxiety,
You are exhausting enough as it is, so why do you have to try and ruin all of my relationships too? I want to think I am deserving of a loving relationship, but you always stop me. I am tired of thinking I am not lovable or of value to anyone.
Just once I'd like to be in a relationship or a friendship where I don't have to ask the person a million times if they're mad at me or if they still want to be friends... even if nothing happened between us. Hopefully, someday you will ease up on me and I will be more confident in relationships.
Hopefully that "someday" is soon.