As a college student, I am someone who looks at life through a short term lense. Maybe it's because of the naivety of being young, but for the longest time I was afraid of wasting time and energy on relationships and ideas that were unpredictable. I wanted to be 100% sure of the future and what I was getting myself into, because I did not want to make a mistake. After being hurt in friendships and romantic relationships, I took these precautions to protect myself from being hurt again.
Whenever a relationship in my life would get difficult due to an argument or disagreement, I found myself agonizing over if I was wasting my time on this person. Recently, when I was upset, I confided these thoughts to my mother. She calmed my worries by simply telling me, "being with someone, especially if you love them, is never a waste of time". It was such a simple statement, but it completely changed my mindset.
Every heartbreak and broken trust I have experienced has been a major learning experience. The time I spent with people who eventually hurt me was time I spent wholeheartedly loving them. Loving someone is never a mistake. Love is the greatest gift we are able to give in this lifetime. Just because someone hurts you does not mean it is your fault. It is their fault for missing out on an amazing person. All of the anxiety and anger I was feeling was me internalizing the hurt I was feeling inside. I was blaming myself and overthinking because it was easier to stay away from potential hurt than face my actual feelings.
I am currently in a happy place in my life, with amazing friends, family, and boyfriend. If these relationships do not work out, I do not regret the love I feel for them right now. I should be able to live my life without fear of getting hurt. I do not know what will happen in the future, and I want to spend more time living in the present than worrying about things that have not happened yet. I urge you to do the same. When we try to live in the future instead of the present, we lose sight of what matters most; being with the ones we love.