Last week I celebrated my 19th birthday over dinner with my boyfriend and my parents.

I sat next to my S.O. while my mom and dad shared the booth across from us. The group dynamic was pleasant and conversation flowed easily, and as it tapered off when our food was brought to us, a realization hit me:

This had to have been the most relaxed I've ever been with both of my divorced parents in the same public space.

Typically, an outing with the two of them together puts me on edge, constantly waiting for an indication that one of them is getting irritated, and jumping to diffuse the situation before there can even be one. Ironically enough, they've never given me a reason to justify my need to play mediator while we're out in public. It was the short lull in conversation that led me to discern the respect between them and reflect on the way their relationship has changed over the years — and much to my surprise — how it's changed for the better.

Any child of divorce can detail the struggles and strains that the separation of parents can cause, and I'm no different.

Packing a weekend bag to go between houses on a regular basis, the unresolved frustrations and unfinished conversations, drastically alter a child's perception of what love and family look like. In my case, I was fortunate that the resilience of youth kept me from becoming too disheartened by these facts — either that or I was just incredibly dense, who knows — and I still describe my childhood as one full of joy.

As I got older I became more aware of how certain topics were the source of contention between them and the way they communicated when they disagreed. The same stories about specific instances in their marriage told from different perspectives carried new meanings for me. There were definitely rough patches in their relationship before and after their divorce, but in acknowledging those periods, it's evident that they made the right decision and have grown from it. While it's never comfortable to see the weaknesses in your parents' relationship, what it taught me was invaluable.

I now have a better understanding of how important it is to be direct in addressing things that bother you with your partner.

No matter how like-minded two people can be, not discussing something that makes you withdraw from them will continue to pull you apart, and will only leave the other wondering what went wrong. Both parents have instilled the significance of following your heart, but also the importance of protecting it — be tolerant and forgiving of the one you love, but don't ignore red flags. No human being is perfect, and it's ridiculous to save your heart for someone who is. However, you don't have to compromise your own values to invite someone into your life.

Through reflection and direct conversation, I've learned that my parents' marriage does not have to be mine and that I should not hold back in fear of having the same outcome as they did. Their decision does not affect any relationship I'll have in the future.

The most valuable lesson that my parents have taught me in their choice to separate is that the end of a relationship does not also signal the end of civility, compassion, respect, and love for one another or for the child that they share.

During that short instant of introspection I had on my 19th birthday, examining the relationship in front of me and the one I had with the person sitting next to me, I unpacked an aspect of my life that I've been afraid of for so long. And in doing so, I found myself at ease enough to ignore a vaguely annoyed expression cross my moms' face, squeeze my boyfriend's hand under the table, and enjoy the moment.