When I began talking to my girlfriend Denae she told me she was a love poet. From talking to her and reading her work (which you can find on instagram @thisishowilove) I quickly realized that love was a huge part of her life and how she moved through the world. I also realized that her love was something I wanted to have in my life. Loving her has brought light and tenderness to my own writing, so I decided to write a piece to show how we love.

Why write about love?

Denae: Love is the driving force of life. It is. Next question. No, no no! Love is the driving force of life good or bad. You know, everything we do in life is motivated by love. Whether it's a love for another person, a love for self, a love for money, power. I think I write about love because it's the thing that affects me the most to write about it. I have a hard time writing about the trees or, like, the wind just because its so pfft, so, like, whatever and I experience it everyday. And you experience love everyday, well, one experiences love everyday but sometimes there's love that you experience that you want to document. Or feelings that you haven't felt before that you want to document. You know? So, that's why I write about love.

Isabella: I think that love is universal. And when I'm writing I like to write in a way that is understood universally. Not in the sense that everyone has to understand the experience that I'm writing about but I think that there is something in writing about love that gives people an easy access into what the artist is trying to do. I think that there is love in everything. In an acting class I took freshman year, our teacher would tell us that there is love in every scene. So in a play there is love in every scene, and one of the tasks as actors is to find the love in the scene. So even if in a scene that people are screaming at each other at the top of their lungs, or its really mundane like there are two people on a subway, there is somehow love in that scene because there is always love in life. And if you find that and you play that the audience will understand the scene better and the actors will be able to understand the characters better and the writing better. Yeah, love is always there.

When did you realize how important love is in your life?

Denae: Always. I always do. I think being an only child especially is a unique situation where you have all the attention and all the love from your parents. And even from your other family members because they don't have to buy gifts for four people as opposed to just one. I think that I grew up with a real sense and understanding that I was loved by a lot of people. Romantic love is different. I don't even think it's important to me, like it's important but I don't think it's the most important type of love. I think the time I realized it influenced most of my writing was maybe like sophomore year of high school, just because thats when I started getting into poetry. And that's what all my poems were about.

Isabella: I've always been a big lover. I come from a very loving family. Very big family, especially on my mom's side. Very big, very loud. We all show affection in different ways but it's clear that we all love each other. I think I've always loved my friends very much. Friendships are very important to me. My best friends Kam--I've been best friends with her going on 18 years now. I love her so much. But I think I realized how much love affected me--I think that in my adolescence and young adult life love has been attached to my mental and emotional health very strongly. So when I was in situations with people that I love or have loved and they were going very poorly, my emotional health would be really affected by it. Which I think happens for many people. I don't think I'm a special snowflake, but the thought of love in my life also brings me back up. So when I knew how important love is in my life was when I was at the lowest of my low in my depression. And I just wanted a way out. But the thought of the people that love me always help me stay afloat.

What do you value most in a loving relationship?

Denae: I really value intimacy, which has a really sexual connotation to it but it isn't like that necessarily. My favorite parts of my relationships whether it be my friendships or my relationship with my mom or with you are when we're not doing anything extravagant. Like we're sitting in bed watching a show, or just talking. I really love just being close to people. I think thats the best part of being alive, just letting people in and getting to know another person and feeling comfortable enough just to be your authentic self. Yeah, that's the best part, also just, like, having fun.

Isabella: I value loyalty the most. The people that are still in my life in the way that they were to begin with, or the people that are in my life that have become more important to me, have gotten to that place because of the loyalty they have shown me. I'm very quick to decide how I feel about a person, and there have times that I have been proven really really wrong, which I try to consider when I have feelings about people. But most of the time my instincts are on point. If I like you, I will be there for you no matter what. I'm a very loyal person and I think that the most important thing for me is to get that in return. And at the end of the day, I just want respect. There have been a lot of people in my life that have not treated me with respect and those people are now further in my ring of circles than they were before, if not completely cut out.

What has been challenging about being in a same-sex relationship?

Denae: When I love someone, friend or otherwise, I'm like "ohmygod I LOVE them!" and I talk about them all the time. And they are not necessarily my world, but I have a lot of love to give. When I let people in enough to be like I genuinely love this person, then I talk about them all the time. I think being in a same-sex relationship I don't have that liberty because of whatever societal, familial things. So thats been hard. Also, not to stereotype or generalize but I think that men and women typically love differently or at different paces. And there's the stereotype of lesbians like on the second date getting a U-Haul. I think in like all of my "whatevers" with girls or women its just been really fast and in a month I'm like I'm in love with this person and all of my straight friends are like WHAT. Which has never really bothered me but I think that being at this age where relationships can be really serious enough to be long term or life-long its put a stress on me. I almost wish that sometimes I had that person to balance how fast I feel like I love.

Isabella: I feel like I've been really blessed, we have been really blessed to not have had any bad interactions in society like going out, holding hands or kissing in public. We haven't had any issues with people reacting badly towards us or threatening us. And we live in liberal cities, so it's not the first thing on my mind leaving the house, but you still never know. So I think those kinds of challenges haven't been right in front of us or me. But it is on my mind like the things that may be challenging in the future in this social, political climate. I mean the only awkward situation we got into was when we were out for your birthday and that guy saw us making out and came over and was like "damn I was planning on hitting on one of you cause you're both really hot" and we swerved. I think I feel very lucky to not have a lot of challenges coming to mind. I think the challenges I have found in being in relationships with women are just challenges that you find in being in a relationship. Which makes sense because it's just a relationship.

How do you feel about being in an interracial relationship?

Denae: I've honestly never thought about it. I really have never thought about it. I mean I've thought about it, but I haven't really. I think that sometimes being in a same sex relationship just trumps everything else. Especially with you being a POC its different. I mean there are things that I don't necessarily understand about the Latinx experience and you don't understand about the black experience, but, like, I think there's a certain level of understanding. I don't really think about it unless I'm with a white person for many reasons. I think the times I've been in relationships with POC and it's been difficult was because their cultural experiences were hindering our relationship even more so. Like hindering our relationship in a way that was connected to being in a same-sex relationship. And obviously there are things within the black community about being LGBTQ but being with someone who was Muslim was something I had to navigate that I had never experienced before. And dating someone who had two immigrant parents and came from a culture that was like hmmm, no. But I haven't really thought about it with me and you.

Isabella: I am the product of an interracial relationship so I've kind of just grown up knowing that I will always be in an interracial relationship unless I find someone who is half Puerto Rican half German. In which case like whoa how did we get here? But I think that growing up with my parents 1. helped me form into a very functional caring human being 2. Interracial relationships were completely normal to me. And I know that my parents have had their struggles and I think that for me its important to understand that there will be parts of my partner's experience that I will not understand and vice versa. And just to be willing to have those conversations if they need to be had. And to make sure my partner knows that I will always support them in whatever way they need me to. But to not make it the center of our relationship, just because we're still just people. At the end of the day that's what matters to me the most that--there are challenges being in a same-sex relationship, there are challenges being in an interracial relationship, there are challenges being in a relationship with someone from a different religious background than you. But at the end of the day the most important challenges that you want to face and work through together are those of being human.

What is your zodiac sign? Do you think it contributes to how your relationship functions?

Denae: I'm a Leo. A double Leo. My sun sign is a Leo, moon sign is a Taurus, rising sign is a Leo. I think it definitely contributes to how I love. I think the Leo part of me really needs to be at the forefront of the relationship (laughs). I know we've talked about this--I really do like things to be on my terms. I like when things are on my terms. I like being nurtured and coddled sometimes and so I feel like I gravitate more towards women who will give me that to satisfy that part of me. But I think my Taurus part is the part that is the nurturing and caring, emotional side. Which I don't let a lot of people see--in my romantic relationships, my friends all know about it. But I think my Leo signs just trumps everything in the beginning stages of dating. I like to charm women but once you get to know me I'm like (insert a sound that feels like a warm tender hug).

Isabella: Okay so I'm a Scorpio. Scorpio sun. Aries moon. Gemini rising. I think that the thing that drives my relationship the most is my Scorpio. Which, classic. I am a very jealous person which I don't like, but whatever. I'm very critical of myself, I think that's a Scorpio thing. But that's something that comes up for me. I also know that my views about loyalty are tied with my Scorpio nature, which I think actually is a good thing to have in me as a partner or a friend. I think I'm a great friend. I definitely love hard which is also my Scorpio haha. If anything, the thing I get from all of my signs is that I can be reserved and not the best at communicating.

What's your favorite love song?

Denae: Hm there are so many that I love. "Can't Help Falling in Love" by Elvis. Classic. Always makes me cry. Basically any Adele song. Also "Daughters" by John Mayer. Also! (sings) "this will be an ever lasting love..." its like when a romantic comedy ends with that song you're like "oh yeah, that was a good movie."

Isabella: My favorite love song right now is "Fooled Around and Fell in Love." Also classic "There is no Greater Love" sung by Billie, Billie Holiday. Woman of my heart and soul. Or Amy Winehouse. The other woman of my heart and soul

Do you believe in life after love?

Denae: What?! What do you mean? Hmph. Yes. No! Yes. Because when you're really in it with someone and you're like "this person is my whole world and if it ever ended so would my life" and then it ends and you're bummed, you might even be devastated. But then you pick yourself back up because you love yourself. And you have the love of your friends and the love of your family. And eventually hopefully, maybe, if you want to, you will have that romantic love again. Although some people do die of a broken heart in which case for them, no.

Isabella: I'm going to say no. I don't believe that there is life after love and this is why...I believe that the most important love there is is love of self. And I think that if you are in a place where you can't have that--I think that if you're in a place where you can't love yourself there is a way to get out of it. But if that isn't an option, if there is no way to get the love for yourself back I don't think you're living. I don't think you're living if you don't love yourself. I think that you're existing. I don't think that there is a way to enjoy life to its fullest if you do not love yourself.