We all change with time. Whether it was pressure to be someone you're not, who you surrounded yourself with, you got older, wiser, or all of the above. For me, it was those I surrounded myself with, and as the years went by, I lost who I truly was, and no one saw that I changed.

I was motivated.

I was happy.

I was myself.

When I was halfway through college, I found myself in the wrong situations, and I didn't seem to care at that point. I associated myself with the people your parents warned you not to be around in high school. I found myself not caring about anything, or anyone for that matter. I lied to those around me, I made excuses for my actions, and I lost the relationships I cared for the most. I dug myself into a hole so deep that I knew I could never get out of, so I kept digging.

I stopped caring about school.

Stopped caring about work.

Stopped caring for myself.

Some days I can't recall what I did that day; I don't remember my day at school or work. I don't remember the conversations I had with people. I used so often, people questioned how I can function at work, the answer is I don't know, but it was nice to be relaxed for once. It was all I thought about. At that point in my life, that was the one thing that would get me out of bed. I looked forward to not remembering my day.

Should I blame others for the path I turned to? Some days I wonder the same thing, and honestly, I don't blame them. They didn't make me do anything. They offered. I said yes. This path has made me give up a lot, do crazy things, and lose the person I used to be. I'm still on that path, but I'm turning in a different direction. I will always be on this path, and I will always crave for more, but my life right now needs a change. It's a long road to get back to the sober person I used to be, but I will eventually get there.