One of the biggest struggles about becoming an adult is finding out who you are. Sure, you have the ideologies that you grew up with, but that doesn’t mean that they necessarily define you or that you have to believe them. Growing up, I was raised to be kind and caring to those around me even if they weren’t my favorite people. I was also taught to be independent, especially when it came to my own happiness.
When I got to Purdue, I was very social and bright-eyed ready to meet new people. Somehow along the way, I lost who I knew myself to be. All of a sudden, I became this negative person who constantly judged others in my mind and sometimes out loud to others around me. I started to act out of character, and suddenly before I knew it, people just believed that's who I was.
While my friends were people my old self would be friends with, I didn't fit in with them like I used to. Recently, I sat down to think about things. I realized that I hadn't been to church in a while. I hadn't let myself go alone to coffee shops and just be by myself to think like I used to, and this used to be what kept me sane. I realized that I wasn't the person I grew up wanting to be. I was leaning on other people for constant validation that I was enough in one way or another, and this didn't get me very far. I wasn't taking time for myself and while I should've been growing, I was actually destructing myself.
I don't know when I lost myself, but the important thing is I found myself again. I found my values that I believe in. One crucial aspect about this is that I learned to forgive myself. I learned to accept that sometimes, it's important to veer off the path you set for yourself to know that's who you want to be.
Like they say, you live and you learn.