Last week was my brother's 19th birthday. My brother has been my inspiration since the day he was born. He was not a single child though, he was one of three. My two sisters, Stephanie and Danielle, did not survive. The three of them were born a little over 16 weeks early, my brother being the smallest. My sisters survived around a day, dying within minutes of each other. Their funeral was one of my earliest memories.
Losing siblings is hard, and even harder on parents who have lost their child. No one really knows how to handle it, it is something no one ever wants to experience. It breaks the people affected, and often time its a hole that can never really be filled back in. It's something that your thoughts always wonder back to during that time of the year.
Sometimes you can't help wondering what they would be like if they were still here. Would they be on a sports team? Would they make the funniest faces, would they be able to help you through relationship troubles? Would you fight over who left the crumbs on the counter in the kitchen, or work together to blame the family pet?
I would be lying if I said I did not have these thoughts.
I lost my siblings before I got to know them, many people lose their siblings after they know them. After years and years of memories are formed. Growing up together, forming memories, fighting over who gets shotgun or who gets the last GoGurt, but they left too soon. They did not get to see you graduate, or see you get married, or see you even make an A on your first assignment in school. Going from a family of four to a family of three, all in the blink of an eye.
Grief is something no one wants to experience, especially when it comes to their own family, their child, their sibling. I would not wish that on my worst enemy.
But this is not the end stage, it is not the end of your life. Your sibling, whether you knew them or not would want you to keep moving forward, to keep making them proud of you. For you to do everything in your power to achieve your wildest dreams. To not give up on your dreams, but to keep pushing harder, not just for them, but for you. Once you stand still in life, you drown, you cannot get back out. Trying to tread through the water is hard, but once you reach the dry land, once you reach the other side, it is relief.
The memory of your sibling will never disappear, but thinking of them will so no longer bring grief, but precious memories. You'll start to see them in people you surround yourself with, your kids, in strangers in your journey of life. It won't happen in a few days, or weeks, or even years, but it will happen one day, but only if you let it.
And trust me, you should let it.