Broken down, fractured heart, poisoned mind. Feeling unloved and unwanted by the person who means so much. The names, the silent treatments, the threats to leave. Each time you pull more and more into yourself. You say you don’t care, but deep down you do. The feeling of hurt is comfortable and what you know. The feeling of happiness is foreign and shouldn’t be trusted. But you care about them right? You can’t just leave, right?
Answer: Wrong.
Leave immediately. This is not somewhere you want to be. This is not love. They find thrill in your tears and joy in your pain. You do not deserve to be here. You did nothing but try to fix someone who couldn’t be fixed it. It’s toxic to you; please stop letting yourself slip under.
If you found the courage and found your reason to leave, but sometimes you look back and question it, here is your validation. It’s funny that you look back at the way you were treated and think “Well, did I deserve it? Am I overreacting?” And if those are your exact thoughts, then that’s confirmation of the brainwashing you endured for so long.
To answer, no you did not deserve it – “it” being all the words, silent treatments, and heartbreak. No, you were not overreacting at all. You were and are allowed to be upset about something – actually, anything – that bothers you or hurts your feelings. Someone who truly loves and cares about you will hear you out and do what they can, within reason, to fix the situation. Your hurt is their hurt, not their high point.
They will NOT make you feel less for being upset.
They will NOT tell you you’re crazy, psycho, over the top, etc.
They will NOT make you feel two inches tall.
But you know better. Because of their betrayal, you are who you are now. You are stronger, more confident, and undoubtedly happier than before. If you haven’t gotten past things just yet, have faith that you will. Finally, not everyone is your ex, so please keep that in mind as you love in the future.
If you haven’t found the courage to leave and you go back in forth in your mind, hear me out. What you are dealing with is not love. You may say, “But no matter what you’re going to argue and disagree in a relationship. So if I love this person then why would I leave? Sometimes they treat me great.”
In a relationship, sure, you’ll have disagreements. But you will work through them together. It’s not supposed to be expressing your discomforts and your significant other waiting for you to get done talking and get over it. It’s not “you’re a bitch” and then “I’m just kidding calm down you’re overreacting” when it hits a nerve (which it should). You’re excusing poor behavior because you’re blinded by what you think love looks like.
Let me tell you what love looks like.
Love looks like forehead kisses and evening cuddles.
It looks like holding your hand and rubbing their thumb across yours not only when you’re riding along in the car but also when it’s mid-day and you’re telling them about what they did that bothered you.
It looks like the way you do in the morning before you’ve even attempted to get ready, but it’s a Friday movie night instead.
Love looks like surprise “it just made me think of you” trinkets and laughing about ridiculous memes.
It looks like a rooftop talk in the middle of July about anything you can come up with.
It looks like hugging the tears away and pulling you away from the world for a moment when the stress becomes too much.
It looks as simple as cleaning for you, reading your favorite book just because it’s your favorite book, getting into your favorite country music despite their passion for indie music only.
Remember that getting out of something toxic to you and your well-being is also applicable to friendships. Friends can hurt and become toxic, too, but you need to remember this:
Love is the little things, and yes there are some arguments and disagreements, but darling, that’s not what you’re in. You’re in the middle of a fight always. Love will make you feel like you’re on top of the world, built up to the highest peaks. ALWAYS. Not sometimes.
It’s time to get yourself back.