June 29, 2011: the day my life changed forever. This was the day I lost my rock, my hero my dad. Even though we didn't always see eye to eye, he was my best friend. We had so much in common, it was like we were the same person. He always encouraged me to do whatever I wanted to do, whether it was soccer, theater, or leadership. I think the worst part about being a teenager and losing a parent is that no one your age can actually understand what you're going through: they don't know the pain. They don't understand how people grieve, and that people grieve differently than others. It was the summer before my senior year and I have never felt so unmotivated and broken in my entire life. While everyone was excited to walk at graduation, I knew my dad wouldn't be able to witness it. Then I started thinking about other things: how he won't be there to walk me down the aisle at my wedding, or be a grandpa—it ruined me.

What very few people knew about me was my dad, James, wasn't biologically my dad. He had raised me since I was 11 months old, and that's what makes him my dad. It doesn't take the ability to impregnate a woman to be a father, it's the actual sticking around to take care of them, to raise them—that's what makes you a father. I was 11 years old when I found out. I guess it really didn't make sense to me that my last name was different from my cousins and brother.

Dear Dad,

Thank you for everything you have done for me. Thank you for raising me for 17 years and loving me unconditionally. Thank you for being my biggest fan and always pushing me to do better. I remember when you said to me, “now I don't want you to ever say ‘well you aren't my real dad!’, okay?” Here I am at 11 years old finding out the man who has raised me isn't biologically my dad, and that didn't really phase me. I knew in my heart it didn't matter if I was or wasn't made up of his genes. You raised me. You did what the other guy couldn't do. Your family treated me no differently and to this day we’re all still incredibly close. I know now that blood doesn't make you family, it's how you treat each other and love each other. Nothing makes me more annoyed than when people do find out, they say, “oh so you and your brother are half siblings?” Sure genetically, but not in our hearts. He's my baby brother regardless, nothing is going to change that. We're family.

It's been five years and it still stings as bad as it did when it happened. I don't deal with sympathy well, I have you to blame for that. I don't like people feeling sorry for me. If anything dealing with the loss of you has made me stronger and I don't take the people I have in my life for granted. Life is too precious not appreciate the people in it.

Thank you for being my dad.

Sincerely, your loving daughter and family who misses you so much.