Losing weight is a very exciting thing; however, it’s also scary in a way. As long as I can remember, I’ve never been the stick thin girl. Honestly, I’ve just incorporated being “the bigger girl” as part of my identity.

I feel as if it’s just how people remember me or know me to be. Don’t get me wrong. It feels amazing to hear people saying they’re proud of me for losing weight or that I’m looking great. It just makes me nervous not knowing how I’ll get treated once I hit my goal weight. Will they think I’m as funny? Will they still want to be around me?

It’s also scary learning about your own body. Like I said, I’ve always been chunky, but now I’m slimming out. This means I can feel bones under my skin I was able to feel before. This freaks me out sometimes because I don’t know if it’s normal. For example, I thought it was weird to feel the bones in my kneecaps.

Sometimes I get uncomfortable. I can cross my legs now which is great; but since it’s a new thing for me, it doesn’t feel natural and it probably won’t for a while. I also feel uncomfortable in clothing. Shirts don’t fit like they did before and they hang strangely off me which makes me feel like I look bigger than I am, so I hide with cardigans a lot.

Last but not least, it's scary because you don't want to disappoint those around you, and most importantly, yourself. I've tried to lose weight a couple of different times before now, but I wasn't mature enough to take it seriously. Now, I know I need to lose the weight for more than just attracting guys.

Losing weight has been a life-changing process so far, but it’s also been full of learning. I’m determined to hit my goal weight, and I’ll just have to adjust as I go along.