When you find out that someone you know passed away, a thousand thoughts cross through your mind.

Why didn’t I take their phone call that one day?

Why did I not go to that birthday party/Christmas/Thanksgiving event that I knew they were going to be at?

Why did I not try to spend more time with them?

All these thoughts and more cross through our mind. However, we can’t spend 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year with the people we know and love just in case this might be the last time we see them. It’s an unrealistic approach to life. You will wear yourself thin trying to spend time with everyone.

But that’s what we think we should have been trying to do when we lose someone.

I lost someone close to me recently. September 20, 2016, my step-cousin, Lyle, was taken from this Earth by two men who happened to be in the middle of burglarizing his home when he came home from work. These two men, so far, have only been charged with 3rd Degree Burglary.

Not Lyle’s death.

Lyle was 33 years old. He had been married to Beth for 6 years and they have a beautiful 4-year-old together. He had a 15-year-old with an ex. Lyle always had a smile on his face and never ceased to make you laugh. He would give you the shirt off his back if it was the last thing he had. He lived in a small community and knew everyone.

Although Lyle was my step-cousin, I loved him. My dad married my step-mom when I was about 5-8 years old. I am 24 now, so, he had been in my life awhile. The first time I rode on a four-wheeler was when he was driving and we were on Meemaw’s farm. That was the first time I felt connected with Lyle. The last time I saw Lyle was at my step-sister’s wedding.

I wish I had spent more time talking to him at the wedding.

I wish I had hugged him harder.

I wish I had taken a picture with him. The only pictures I have with him and I in the same picture, we have other people in the picture with us.

I wish I had a picture of just me and him.

I wish I had talked to him more.

I wish him and I had been closer.

These wishes do nothing for me. They don’t bring him back. They don’t make it any easier. Instead, they just make me sadder. Instead, I should be thinking of the times I did get to spend/talk with him.

At Christmas, our family would play CatchPhrase. Somehow, I almost always ended up on his team. Our Meemaw would always guess no matter which team was going and half the time Meemaw was on mine and Lyle’s team so Lyle would say “Meemaw! That’s not our team!” or “Meemaw! Wrong team!” If anyone else said it, it never came out as funny because Lyle would be smiling and laughing while he said it. Lyle’s laugh was contagious. His smile was too. You couldn’t be around Lyle without smiling and laughing right along with him.

His funeral was the hardest funeral I have ever attended. Most of the funerals I have been to were elderly people or cancer patients. Their deaths weren’t too surprising (sorry if that sounds mean) but they either had terminal cancer or were past their prime. But, I have never been to a funeral for a young, healthy person.

Especially not a young, healthy relative.

I am an emotional person already. I am the person that sees someone crying on television and automatically starts boo-hooing with them. So, going to Lyle’s funeral was difficult. I was already saddened about how less of a time I had spent with him.

Then, when Beth, his beautiful wife walked in, it was harder to keep from crying. She is the strongest person I know because, at times during the funeral, she was able to keep it together. If it had been me, I wouldn’t have been able to stop crying. Lexi, his 15-year-old daughter, was also doing pretty good of keeping it together. Later on, on Instagram, I saw that she was supposed to be at the Alabama game with Lyle the day of his funeral.

I cannot imagine how Lexi was feeling — that’s her daddy. I had never met his mom since she and his dad (Jeff) were divorced before I came into the picture and I am related through his dad’s side.

But, seeing her that day, he looked a lot like his mom. She was more like how I would have been. She cried, a lot of it in agony. Denise and Beth kept going to his side and rubbing his hair like it would bring him back and that just made it harder for me to keep it together. The slideshow of pictures was a great way for me to see the Lyle I didn’t know because he didn’t show that side to his family. But, that also made it difficult for me because I didn’t know that side of Lyle at all.

When they were getting ready to close the casket and Beth, Lexi, Denise and Jeff had to say goodbye.. that was the hardest part of the funeral, ever. Beth started crying, as we all expected her too. Denise... oh, Denise. At this point, a lot of the men in the room had been able to keep it together.

They hadn’t cried. (This is the time when I admire a man’s ability to not be emotional). But, when Denise attempted to make her exit, she wailed about how she couldn’t leave her baby. It was the moment that made every eye cry. There wasn’t a dry eye in the church when Denise left. I still cannot think about that moment without crying.

At the graveside, I badly wanted to hug Beth. I wanted to just let her know I was there and I loved her. But, I also know that my words and my hug wasn’t going to help her through this pain. Nothing anyone said or did would help alleviate the pain she was going through. It was when everyone was leaving that I decided I would go hug her anyway. It was actually Meemaw’s twin sister, Alma, that talked me into it, saying that I would regret it if I didn’t and that even if Beth didn’t remember it I would.

I knew she was right. And she definitely was because I regret not finding a way to hug Lexi that day. I didn’t know what to say to Beth because after all, I knew it wouldn’t help and she might not even remember that I said anything.

But, hugging her made me feel better. Like, it was my last way to be close to Lyle. I love Beth. She and I talked more at family gatherings then Lyle and I. She was the best thing to have happened to him and they were the epitome of the couple I wanted to be one day. But, all I could think to say to Beth was that I loved her and that she was going to get through this because she was the strongest person I knew.

Words couldn’t bring him back. And I know that “I am sorry” is never something that helps people, no matter how many times you say it. And not many people around here know what Beth is going through. It’s different when the love of your life is killed because of someone else being selfish.

Material items should never be the equivalent of or more of a priority than a human life.

A father’s life.

A son’s life.

A husband’s life.

I am a Criminal Justice major. I want to work with crimes. My dream is to work with juveniles who get themselves into trouble. So, I make it a point to read about any crimes that happen, whether it be local or national. I have researched Columbine extensively. I always feel sad for the victims and their families. However, I have never thought of murder being something that happens in my family. It’s always just been something I have read about or seen on tv. Not something that I ever thought I would experience.

You know what pisses me off even more about these two guys? They are in custody (keep reading, you will see my reasoning in a minute)! So, if they did manage to take anything from Lyle’s home, they don’t even get to keep it! They don’t get to play with it, cherish it, or have it in their home. It’s locked in an evidence room, in a box. So, what did they get from taking Lyle’s life? Nothing!

One of the guys was in his 30s. The other guy was 19… 19! He is younger than me. Neither of them are from the area where Lyle lived. He is from Oakman, Alabama which is near Jasper, Alabama. They are from Coaling, Alabama which is near Vance, Alabama. It’s a good 75 miles apart between the two communities.

How in the world do you think to go burglarize a house 75 miles from where you live? Birmingham is a large city in between the two communities. They shouldn’t have chosen a place that has less than 1,000 people as its population. I wish I knew what was going through their mind when they chose Lyle’s house OUT OF EVERYWHERE ELSE to burglarize. I wish they would be charged with his murder.

Murder... that’s a word I never thought I would associate with my family.

I was telling someone how I was feeling about Lyle’s death and that person had the audacity to say he wasn’t blood-related so why should it matter to me.

Excuse me? Family is family no matter whether blood is involved or not.

Would you be upset if your best friend passed away? Of course. But, oh wait, you can’t be upset. They weren’t blood-related to you. Yeah, Lyle was only related by marriage. But, I loved him. I spent time with him. If my dad and step-mom divorced, I would still consider him family. I would still try to spend time with him at holidays or any other time.

He had been in my life for more than 10 years. You can’t just cut off someone, who has been in your family for so long, that easily (unless they did something to anger you).

Lyle is going to be missed by so many. The Oakman community will miss him. Every person that he ever met will miss him. Beth, Lexie, Camille, Denise, and Jeff will miss him. His extended family (including me) will miss him. His friends will miss him. Lyle is someone that you can’t forget. His death is something that you can’t forget. The way it happened, the outcome, everything about it.

I love you, Jeffrey Lyle Guthrie. Your life touched many people. Your death made everyone realize that life is just too short to be wasting it.