Will the end result be worth it?

I have asked myself this too many times. I'm counting down the days to graduation, but oh how I wish I would have done some things differently. To save myself, to make my life a little easier, I could have taken a better path. I'm sure of this. I know this. This path, however, must be the one God wants me on.

They say when it rains it pours, but why does it feel more like hail? I'm trying hard. I feel like I'm giving it my all. I don't know how I could possibly study more or be a better, a more attentive person. Yes, there is always room for improvement, but with the hand I've been dealt with at this time I think I'm doing okay. That's the thing, though, I'm doing okay. Okay, isnt good enough, not for me.

This year so far has been pretty challenging. I don't think it will get easier and I pray that it won't get harder. The possibility scares me. My biggest fear is the inevitable.

This is where I feel like God comes in. This year though is harder because God is missing. It's not his fault, it's mine. I'm too busy doing other things, and putting other people before him. I am. for the most part, a kind person so sometimes I think my actions make up for what I may lack spiritually. That's not the case. I need to connect with him on an emotional level.

I feel very blessed, extremely blessed, for the hand I have been dealt with. To think that he picked me to overcome all of these obstacles is just... I just feel blessed. I have no words for all that he has done for me other than 'Thank you.'

I need to show him more attention. I owe it to him. I want him to be a friend of mine again. I feel this need because I have learned that a lot of friends will come and go but God will always be there. Your family and God will always be there. I believe that if I put more effort into our relationship, he will put the right people in my life.

I think people get religion and God confused. I don't think I have a religion. I do believe certain things, but I mainly believe that a personal connection with God is more powerful than any religion on this earth. Religion is more of a brand, it's more political. Faith will always be there as long as it's practiced, and God is constant.

"I believe in Christ like I believe in the sun, not because I can see it, but by it I can see everything else." - C.S. Lewis

So if it rains, let it pour. This time, I'll be ready. I'm starting this new chapter of my life, I'm going to practice my faith. I'm going to show it through my actions and I'm going to study his word. My dad is starting to walk by faith, and now I want to follow his lead. He has really inspired me and touched my heart, and I would love to start that fire in someone else's soul.

"In this is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son as the atoning sacrifice for our sins. Beloved, if God loved us in this way, we also ought to love one another." 1 John 4:10-11

The end result will be worth it when God is on my side.