Best friends are supposed to have your back through thick and thin.
Eighth grade me thought the three of us were birds of a feather. We thought that our friendship would last forever— at least, I thought it would. But looking back, I realize that my friendship with my two ex-best friends was doomed from the start.
Of the three of us, I was the odd man out.
My two friends shared a love of TVs shows and anime, whereas I had never even heard of Dr. Who or Supernatural until I met them. I would have much rather been playing video games or reading.
I am proudly descended from generations of farmers on both sides of my family, and my summers growing up consisted of raising my goats, cattle, and rabbits to exhibit and sell at the county fair. My two friends weren’t exactly as enthusiastic about agriculture as I was.
At the time, these small, yet significant, differences between my friends and I were easily overlooked.
We hung out at school every day, had sleepovers, worked on English projects together, and came up with fanfiction ideas. Everything about our friendship seemed to be perfect-- until our junior year of high school.
That year I became more focused on two things: advanced classes and the FFA. You see, I had decided to step out of my comfort zone and was elected treasurer of our FFA chapter—something that was a huge responsibility. And of course, my grades were always of the utmost importance. It was my goal to get accepted to my dream school: Penn State.
But, taking the more advanced classes along with my agricultural education class meant that I didn’t have a lot of classes with my friends.
One was in band and DECA, and I had remained close to her because we had the same lunch. The other was doing her own thing so the only class we shared was choir. And while we talked every chance we got, she and I started to grow distant.
One day, I found a note in my locker. Confused, I opened the note, thinking that this was some sort of joke or something, and what I read made me start to cry right there in the middle of the hallway.
The friend I had been growing distant from, had written me this note telling me what an awful friend I was for ignoring her. She told me that I was too busy with FFA and cared too much about my grades. I was being blamed for us not talking very often and accused of favoring our other friend over her.
I was devastated. She was blaming me for things I couldn’t control.
But I decided not to confront her about it in school since I would result in drama and also because this needed to be sorted it out in person. She tried to get me between classes the next day, and I told her that wasn’t the time nor the place to discuss it. And that was that.
Then the emails started to come. The first two were from her, repeating the same thing that she wrote in the note, signed “with unrequited love.” Then her boyfriend started emailing me. Somehow, me being busy all the time equated to me purposefully ignoring my “best friend.”
I decided to end the friendship. I wanted so badly to fix our friendship, but it just wasn’t the same after that. Yes, I could have communicated with her a little more, but there wasn’t a real problem until the notes and emails started coming.
My other best friend initially supported me, but senior year we started to grow distant. She started hanging back out with my now ex-friend and some other friends of hers. I started devoting my free time towards college applications and FFA, with the hopes of becoming the third State FFA Degree recipient in my family-- a goal that I did achieve, along with acceptance not only to Penn State but also the college I eventually decided on, Cleveland State. Eventually, my other friend and I stopped hanging out, and I decided to cut her out of my life too.
Looking back, I realize that the friend who sent me the notes
On top of that, being around them, severely impacted my self-esteem.
One of them looked down upon many people who I later became friends with, and as a result, I looked down upon those people. I never wanted to hang out with other people. When I was friends with them, I had no confidence either. I was something that I’m not when I was with them, and I wasn’t a happy person when they were my friends.
Today, I like to believe that I am a confident individual.
I’m eager to participate in my classes and proud to share my knowledge with everyone who wants to listen. I strive to do my best in everything I do and have stepped out of my comfort zone. But most of all, I have proven to myself that I can survive on my own.
That is something I would have never have accomplished if I hadn’t broken off my friendship with my best friends. The person I was with them would have never made it a week in Cleveland. I would have never grown as a person to be able to survive in the city.
It was hard losing two people who I viewed as best friends. I loved them both equally and I wouldn’t wish them any ill will, but I’m glad we’re not friends anymore.
We all hurt each other, and what happened between us was all our faults, but I wouldn’t change it. Losing friends has really been the best thing that ever happened to me by teaching me a valuable lesson.
Best friends aren’t forever, and that’s OK.