Many people think that long-distance (LD) relationships don't last. I've been in a LD relationship for a year and am all too familiar with comments like, "You guys are long distance? Does that even count as a relationship?" It is true that LD relationships are harder than geographically-close (GC) relationships in several ways: LD couples have to put more effort into feeling emotionally close to each other, they miss being together in person, and buying plane tickets to visit each other can be financially stressful. However, LD couples can and do last and also have several advantages over GC relationships.
1. The infatuation stage may last longer
Romantic relationships have stages, the first of which is the "infatuation" or "romance" stage. This stage is when you're falling in love and your partner seems perfect, you can't stop thinking about them, and you want to be around them as much as possible. It tends to last between two months to two years (averaging around six months).
LD relationship's infatuation stage can last longer because LD couples idealize each other more. Not being around your partner every day makes it harder for you to notice their flaws, and thus, continue to view your lover through rose-tinted glasses.
2. Your time together is more precious
My boyfriend and I get to see each other in person once every two to three months. The average LD couple visits less than twice a month. Because time together is limited, it's more precious and passionate and leaves both parties feeling positive about their time together.
3. Long-distance couples communicate better
LD couples communicate better. They tend to focus on communicating positively with each other and avoiding topics that would cause conflict. They also engage in more maintenance behaviors than geographically close (GC) couples do. These maintenance behaviors include sending "I love you" texts, calling your partner when they're feeling down, and sharing thoughts and feelings.
4. More intimacy
More positive communication and maintenance behaviors cause LD couples to have greater emotional intimacy than GC couples. LD couples also participate in self-disclosure more, view their partners as more responsive, and idealize each other more, which contributes to intimacy.
5. Putting more effort into your relationship now is building good habits for the future
LD relationships usually take more effort than GC relationships: it's not hard for GC couples to find ways to spend time together, and they can rely on the stereotypical dates such as going out for dinner or seeing a movie. However, LD couples need to think outside the box to come up with activities to do together.
The need for a LD couple to put more effort into their relationship can help build the good habit of working hard at relationships in general, whether that be with your mom, best friend, or who you end up marrying.
6. You're building trust
One aspect of LD relationships that is touted as a downside is that it's probably easier for LD couples to cheat on each other. How can you tell whether or not your partner is stringing along another LD significant other, or if they really are at work? You can't, so you and your partner just have to trust each other.
Studies show that LD couples actually do trust each other more than GC couples. And trusting each other to remain faithful will also build trust in other areas, as well as create a more trusting relationship if you ever transition to being a GC couple.
7. You feel valued by your partner
Being in an LD relationship takes extra effort to create intimacy and enjoy time together. LD relationships are also hard because you miss being with your partner in person. Also, paying for plane tickets to visit each other can be expensive. However, if someone is willing to go through all that to be with you, you must be pretty special to them, right? Right.
8. It’s easier to tell if your partner is serious about you
When entering into a relationship, it can be difficult for people to communicate what they're hoping to get out of the it, and a person searching for someone to spend the rest of their life may end up with someone who was just looking for a good time.
Because LD relationships require more work and commitment, it doesn't make much sense for someone to enter into a LD relationship with the purpose of dating "just for fun," so it's easier for LD couples to tell that they're partners are serious about them.
9. More independence
Because you and your partner are apart, you don't need to consult each other as much before making decisions. You don't live with your significant other, so you are free to have your room be Sponge Bob themed; you can go to your friend's party without having to worry about ruining your partner's Saturday plans; and because you two already live in other states, you can move to New York for a summer internship without too many qualms.
10. You’ll be prepared to face future challenges together
After dealing with all the struggles of being miles away, states apart, or even in different countries, you and your partner will be more prepared to face other challenges together. A tree falling on you and your partner's house might not seem as big of a deal because you two actually have a house together!
Keep loving your long-distance relationship!