"It all makes sense now."
Those are the words that ran through my mind the first time I received my ADHD diagnosis at the age of 24 in April 2015.
It made sense why I had such a hard time with organization. Ever since I was a child, keeping my room clean was a challenge. As an adult, it still is. It's not that I enjoy living like a slob; My brain doesn't understand the concept of organization.
It made sense that I would often zone out and find myself daydreaming when I shouldn't have been, such as in class. Focus hasn't always been my strong suit. I didn't understand why I couldn't complete one task at a time and would try to do everything at once.
It made sense why I'd pick up a hobby, but then quickly lose interest.
It made sense why I could misplace items such as my keys or my phone so easily and go into panic mode when I couldn't find them.
These aren't simply mishaps. There's a reason why I struggle with organization and lose focus so easily: I have Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder - Primarily Inattentive. (ADHD-PI)
When some people think of ADHD, they think of a young child - specifically a young boy- who can't sit still in an elementary school classroom. However, that is not what ADHD is for me or other women. ADHD affects girls and women, too.
In fact, an article in The Atlantic published on April 3, 2013 by Maria Yagoda titled "ADHD is Different for Women", points out that ADHD comes later in life for girls and presents different systems.
"The idea that young adults, particularly women, actually have ADHD routinely evokes skepticism," Yagoda wrote.
Yagoda also stated that women with the disorder tend to be less hyperactive and impulsive and more scattered, disorganized, forgetful and introverted.
Prior to my evaluation and diagnosis, I was skeptical. How could a quiet, introverted woman who did well in high school and college have ADHD? It didn't make sense to me. I was willing to undergo testing, because I knew that besides struggling with major depressive disorder and generalized anxiety disorder, something didn't feel right. I was struggling to stay afloat at my internship, keep up with my classes and my part-time job as a news editor.
It's not uncommon for women with ADHD to also have a co-occurring mental illness, such as depression or anxiety. According to a study published The Primary Care Companion for CNS Disorders, "coexisting anxiety and depression are prominent in female patients with ADHD."
For years I thought I was simply lazy and unintelligent. This is far from the truth. I've learned that my brain doesn't work the way a "normal" brain works.
Today, I've accepted that I have this disorder and I'm not ashamed at all. I take the proper medication, I make sure I get enough sleep, drink enough water. Exercise is a huge help, but I'll admit that I've been slacking lately and need to find the time to do it.
I feel a sense of relief knowing that I'm not lazy when my room is messy and or that I'm not a scattered-brained mess. It's simply my brain. Of course, there are ways to cope. I make sure I keep lists and I complete one task at at time instead of trying to complete five tasks at once. (Spoiler alert: It doesn't work.)
If you think you have ADHD, don't be afraid to reach out for help. Call your primary physician or seek an appointment with a psychiatrist. Help is available and you are not alone.