A few weeks ago I set aside time for writing letters to my high school friends who were going on their Kairos (they were just on their retreat this past week!). As I put on the CD from my first Kairos retreat and began writing, I couldn't help but start crying. I didn't know if I could accurately express how much I wanted my friends to get as much as they possibly could out of the experience. They are so blessed. I would've killed to be able to go back to Kairos with them.

I was having a pretty crappy junior year before the retreat. I was constantly stressed, my grades were falling and I couldn't keep up, and the threat of college was looming in the distance. Kairos was a breath of fresh air. That's the best analogy I can think of to describe it, even though I have trouble putting into words just how much it meant to me at that point in my life. I was reminded of the love of my love and appreciation for my family, friends, classmates, and teachers, and theirs for me. Most importantly I realized that in addition to my loved ones, I had an unconditional support system in God.

(^My small group, The Janes- Kairos 2015)

I was also lucky enough to be a Leader my senior year. It was different from my first experience, but just as precious and beautiful. I was so excited to watch my younger friends experience all the life-changing elements of Kairos. I loved sharing everything that I had learned about myself, others, and God with my small group. I loved getting to work with my adult leader, one of my former English teachers. I also loved growing closer with my fellow leaders.

(^The best small group a leader could ask for, The Erins- Kairos 2016)

(^Senior Leaders- Kairos 2016)

Looking back now, I realize how important Kairos was for me. Most of my friends here in college didn't have Kairos or had never heard of it. (They've heard plenty about it from me now, though.) When I do see someone wearing the Jerusalem cross around their neck I can't help but smile and ask them about their Kairos. I love hearing about other people's experiences of Kairos and I walk away feeling so happy that Kairos connects so many different people from so many different places.

I couldn't leave for college this year without my "Kairos Box" full of my letters, folders, notes, and CDs. I still bring them out when I'm having a bad day or just need to be reminded of how much I'm loved by others and by God.

I've tried to take the lesson of Living the Fourth with me in my heart, especially this year as a college freshman. I will admit that I don't always feel like showing kindness to those who hurt me. I don't always feel like being light for others when I'm having a bad day. I spend much more time worrying about things than I do trusting God to take care of things for me. However, Kairos helped me learn not to judge others because I don't know what's going on in their life. It reminds me to be the smiling face or the one with open arms when someone needs a hug. It's reminded me that I should "think of God like a cool cousin" and talk to him more. It's reminded me to trust that He will always make things work out, if in the way He plans and on His own timeline, because they always do.

Mostly, Kairos has taught me to look at myself, others, God, and the world in a completely new way. I'll be taking that lesson with me for the rest of my life.

Doubt the First. Cry the Second. Trust the Third. Live the Fourth!