I’m a huge believer in the importance of spontaneous, hair down, music blasting out of rolled-down windows kind of car rides. I used to take them all the time. Blowing through the open windows of my truck going down the interstate, the wind would whip my hair around my face, sometimes stinging and causing brief pain but mostly filling up that little part of my soul that just desperately needed to drive under a cloudless sky that seemingly stretched all the way to heaven. It filled my spirit and gave me a sense of freedom on the days I felt suffocated within my little hometown.

Somewhere in the mess of it all though, I stopped driving and living my life hair down.

It hurt to keep my hair down during those drives. The wind through those open windows left little red marks on where it hit my face and stung. I loved these car rides I took, but the more interstates and highways I drove down, the more often I found my hair being pre-packaged away into a neat little bun. I would put my hair in a bun to keep it out of my face and from causing me any pain. As fleeting as the pain was, somewhere subconsciously, I decided that starving a small piece of myself of the feeling of being totally and completely free was worth it because I felt no direct pain.

Isn’t this so representative of our lives?

We tuck away passion, keeping comfortable relationships so that we don’t get hurt. We hide behind unfulfilling jobs instead of following an uncertain route so that we won’t potentially lose what pays the bills. We don’t take that chance in case we get shot down. We let go of that person before they can hurt us more or before they can make us happy. We package ourselves and our very being away so that we keep away the pain of not being accepted, without yet knowing if we can be loved. We package our entire life into a neat little bun in which every strand can be accounted for, and nothing ever is uncontrollable.

It’s a practice that starves the soul and starves your life.

What if you stopped staying with him/her, solely because you had been together for so long? What if you told that person how you felt? What if you sent that text message or made that phone call? What if you pursued a job that you really wanted? What if you made those cupcakes instead of worrying about the numbers on the scale? What if you got that dress or painted your nails red? What if you let your hair down for a change and stopped living life comfortably? What if you started doing what made your soul happy, instead of simply doing what’s safe, instead of doing what you think would be the safe route?

What if?