I recently read a few articles that documented the tales of girls who skipped the partying phase; they went from high school to college and studied hard and still enjoyed themselves. I then read the counter to those articles; the ones written by girls who are and have been partiers for most of their college and even high school lives. Both sets of articles documented the pros of each, while barely touching on the cons. While that's fine and well, it doesn't give a fair view of either lifestyle, but kind of condemns the other. So here I am, proudly telling you all: quit trying to explain your decisions and live unapologetically.

Early in my college career, I would go out every night and drink; some nights more than others, and at the time, I thought I was doing whatever it is college kids are supposed to do. I didn't care much about my grades (or at least not enough to put the bottle down a night before a test) and found myself stumbling through life. At the time, I was having a great time, but often, I'd end the night crying about something or other and totally hating myself. I struggled through some rocky relationships, short-lived friendships, and lots of sleepless nights. I didn't know who I was, and I didn't know who I wanted to be. Late in this stage of my life, I found myself heartbroken and restless. I blamed a lot of that on a relationship (which was the main source *cough*), but I also knew I was just flat out unhappy and lost. BUT I still refuse to apologize for this part of my life, and I have no regrets.

Late in my college career, my relationship woes finally subsided and I stopped blaming that for my unhealthy attitude. My boyfriend encouraged me to seek help for my mental instability, and he's remained steadfast with helping me fight my anxiety and depression. And, I'll be damned, my life finally started coming together. I stopped drinking heavily (still waiting on that "thank you," liver) and I started caring more about school and my family and boyfriend. I stopped trying to please people that I felt weren't contributing to my happiness. And I have no regrets about that, either.

I'm out of that partying and drinking stage, and most nights, you'll find me in bed by 11 PM. I often turn down plans in favor of naps or bedtime, and I'm not embarrassed to do so. I've found myself. I don't know when it happened, but at some point, I stopped feeling sorry for myself and I stopped trying to live a life that I want comfortable with. I love my past; it's made me who I am. And I won't apologize for any part of myself or who I will be in the future.

Just live ya life, ay ay ay.