September is suicide prevention month. Continuing my pursuit of advocating mental health awareness, I decided to share my own experience of battling depression.
Lately, I've been getting hit hard with depression. From personal issues, long weeks of suffering with allergies, lack of sleep, feeling unmotivated, I've been depressed, and I can tell when I'm depressed when I start doing these small, trivial things.
*Note my experience might differ from yours.
Staying Up Late
For somebody that works a lot of overnight shifts, I'm already used to being up late. But it's also bad because it throws my sleep schedule out of whack. I stay up late to wander, listen to music, anything to distract me or indulge my emotions.
Lack of Social Media
I love social media. I'm on Facebook and Instagram constantly, it's awful. I don't post as much, as I'm so tempted to say exactly what's on my mind. What's also difficult is seeing your friends seemingly enjoying themselves and it can make you question why you don't feel that way, even if you think you have it all. At the same time, it's good to get away from social media, as it can be a negative place.
Baths helps me destress, help me wash away the day. But when I spend more than thirty minutes in the tub, I'm thinking in the blissful emptiness, feeling safe in my soothing, clean kingdom.
Carelessness of Appearance
I love my eyeliner and bold lipsticks. So to see me go days/weeks with no makeup, or even coverup, it's a sign: I'm not going anywhere, I feel ugly, not going to socialize, I'm not taking any selfies. Ugh, I hate it.
This is cliche, but it's so accurate. I have a playlist on my iPod, "Hello Darkness, My Old Friend" when the ole depression hits. From Evanescence to Shinedown, I like my sad playlist heavy and dark. Bonus: I'm screaming the song instead of my usual chorus-trained singing.
For the most part, I eat enough. But when depression and/or anxiety strikes, I either eat too much, mostly out of boredom, or I forget to eat, or can't eat because my anxiety gives me no flavor. For the record, I don't starve myself, I can't physically tolerate the feeling of being unfed.
I know I'll be battling depression the rest of my life, and nobody knows my depression better than I do. I need to remind myself when these behaviors show up, I need to pace myself, be gentle with myself, remind myself that these feelings will pass.
If you're feeling depressed and need to talk to someone, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Available 24 hours: