As a girl who seems to be eternally single, when a prospective boyfriend comes into the picture, my brain doesn’t really know how to handle it. I either completely reject the idea that a guy would actually be interested in dating me or fall head over heels in 2.5 seconds. The last time I was in the confusing stage of “talking” with a guy, I convinced myself that he would be the perfect guy for me. But did I really like him for who he was? Or did I just convince myself I did because he was there and I was lonely?

This scenario happens all too often. Some guy shows up in your life when you’ve been single for a while, tells you you’re pretty and all that great stuff and then poof! You make yourself believe that he’s the one. But when the inevitable happens and you two part ways, you wonder why you even felt that way for him in the first place. Sure, he was cute, sweet and you laughed at all of the same Vines, but was he really your soulmate? Probably not. What tends to happen is that girls get themselves all worked up over some dude who is really just a space-filler. You look past all of the red flags that show he’s not who you should be with just because he occasionally sends you a nice text that makes you feel special.

Two months or so down the road when the oh-so-tragic split happens, you’re devastated. As you begin to cope, you realize you’re not sad that you lost him, you’re sad because you’re alone. This realization is life-changing. You put away the ice cream, you stop listening to Adele songs on repeat and you face the fact that he was merely a learning experience. You can take note of the mistakes you made and also remember the things he did that weren’t “husband material” and you move on. There will still be days where you feel lonely or nostalgic and want to reach out to him. Resisting that urge and reminding yourself the many reasons why things didn’t work out between you two will be totally worth it in the end.

One day, you will find a man worthy of you. Someone who makes you laugh until you have six pack, who makes you feel like a queen, who makes you know your love for him is real. You will never have to question whether or not you really like him or just like the idea of him. And when you reach that point, you can thank all of your ex-boy toys for temporarily breaking your heart because they lead you to the man who will put it back together for good.