One of the characteristics that many people describe me as is caring. That may be true; I care about a lot of things and a lot of people. Sometimes I think that that feature is confused with how much I worry. To me, those two features come in pairs. You can’t have one without having the other. It’s never intentional, but worrying is always going to be a part of how I function and how I react to things.

I really do mean it when I say that it is usually involuntary. Of anything that happens to me or around me, I think about it to the point where I worry. Worrying takes hold of mostly all of your thoughts and usually brings me near screaming frustration or tears. The consumption takes hold and doesn’t leave.

Worry goes in part with not wanting to ever do wrong or bad to anyone. I hold other people in higher regard than I do myself sometimes. I overthink events way in advance just to think about all that could go wrong. I’ll back out of plans if I think of the smallest thing to worry about. I take safety in what I know won’t backfire or go awry. I’ll take extra precautions and brace myself for the worst while doing everything I can to make sure the worst doesn’t happen. Worrying just takes control.

To others, it may seem like I just don’t want to do certain things or go places. I just like knowing what I am getting myself into. I like knowing the types of activities I’ll be doing or the types of foods I’ll be eating. I blame my pickiness with food on my worrying. I won’t know whether I’ll like the food or not, so instead of finding that out, it is just easier to not even try. Safety stays with the familiar.

However, worrying doesn’t mean that I can’t enjoy the things I do; it just means that I like to be certain. When you worry a lot, being comfortable is one of the best feelings in the world. For those brief moments there is no stress or overthinking. There is nothing else like knowing that everything is going to be okay.

Even though constantly worrying seems like it is always a bad thing, it really has done me a lot of good for my personality and myself. With the worry, I’ve learned to be careful. Worrying is sometimes consuming, but I’ve gotten used to it. It really does make me careful with everything I do. The stress that comes with worrying makes me want to be better in everything that I am already comfortable with.

I like thinking about all the possibilities of what could happen, because if I do then I get to think about what I can do. I get to think about what I can do to make things better, for myself and for others around me. I want to think about all that could happen, all that would happen, and then all the insane possibilities that might happen.

Worrying makes me think more than I probably should, but it has also made me the person that I am. If I didn’t worry as much, I probably wouldn’t have all the personality traits that I have right now. Worrying may show me everything that is wrong, but living with worry has shown me all the good things in my life.