Change, Acceptance And Good Riddance

Change, Acceptance And Good Riddance

The three easy steps to a more fulfilling life experience.

When you feel a negative way towards a situation, whether it be resentment, jealousy, anger, sadness, or even loneliness, you have three options. In the wise words of Eckhart Tolle, you can either change it, accept it, or get rid of it.

This past week, I have done all three.

There were days I felt so anxious I nearly had full blown panic attacks. I kept trying to convince myself that everything was alright, that I didn't need to be stressed. But, ultimately, I couldn't 'control' my anxiety, which ended up making me feel more anxious in the end.

After a 10+ hour day at the library with no food breaks or interruptions, I finally had this epiphany, and this is how everybody can use it to their own advantage.

The Three Rules of Life

1. Change It

This is the first route you should always take while going about any negative situation.

Sit down with a paper and make a list of at least five realistic ways a situation could be tweaked to benefit yourself. Selfish, I know, but being selfish isn't always a bad thing.

Take an idea or two from your list, and put it into action.

For example, I was anxious about the upcoming article due (the article you are reading right now) and I wondered if I could change the situation in a simple way to benefit myself.

So I went out on a limb and asked for an extension.

And just like that, I had an extra two days to write this, plus room to breathe. Not only did I feel relieved instantly, but because I was able to relax, it gave way to natural inspiration.

(The text you are reading now is entirely attributed to the emotional novel of an iMessage I sent to my mom at midnight on a Tuesday.)

Another situation I found myself in, was that I wasn't giving nearly enough time or attention to my position on a school dance team. I loved it, I just honestly did not have enough time for it.

So I quit.

...Okay, a little dramatic, in reality I just handed my position over to another girl on the team. But now instead of having a job, I can go back to just taking and enjoying dance classes, free of responsibility.

It can be hard to say no sometimes, but it is absolutely necessary.

Now, changing a situation won't always work. You can definitely try to convince your professor to bump your grade up, but some of us know all too well how impossible that can be.

When there is no way to change a situation, the only action you can then take is to change your outlook on it.

And that gives way to the next step in this life-changing process..

2. Accept It

Acceptance can be tough. You have to allow yourself to detach your identification of a person/event with the negative thoughts surrounding it.

A simple way to help this process is to make a list of all the positive ways a situation is benefitting you.

For example, I wrote down the classes I am having the hardest time with. Then, under each class, I wrote as many reasons I could think of as to why it is benefitting me, either now or in the long run.

It gave me a new perspective and it was easy to release some of stress I was feeling, knowing now that getting 100% on every assignment will be trivial at the end of the day.

When you stop resisting something, that something will stop persisting.

That is to say, if all you can think about is the fact that you should not think about something, you are still giving all your power to that unwanted thought.

When you can realize that you are having that thought and accept its place in your mind, you are creating space between you and the negativity surrounding that thought.

This week, I had to accept the fact that my anxiety was normal.


Because I really do have a busy schedule, and there is no way around that. I finally realized that all I can do from this point forward is to look at my to-do list with excitement, and enjoy the process of completing each task.

Just simply changing my mental position from hatred to acceptance let me breathe easier.

An example for a much more stressful situation:

My car got hit in a parking lot recently and, upon finding it bashed in with no note, I instantly got furious.

But, ultimately, I had to calm myself down and realize that karma would take its course, and that all I could do was file a report and let the police handle it. Instead of putting all the pressure on myself, I surrendered. It made a world of difference.

And here I am now, with a fixed up car, and no money has left my pockets.

3. Leave it

When acceptance is not an option, say maybe you are in an abusive relationship, or you absolutely cannot come to terms with something, get rid of it.

Say goodbye to the toxic person.

Say no to the commitment you made but are dreading.

Delete the emails you still haven't gotten around to looking at.

Stop watching the news.

Get up and walk out of the room.

Like, literally leave.

We don't need more space - space is space, there can't be more or less of it. Space just is, it exists everywhere, naturally. What we do need more of is emptiness. What we need is fewer things taking up space.

Sometimes you just have to be cleared out and reset. Don't dread things, ignore things, avoid things, as this is harmful to your physical, mental and emotional health. Just delete it entirely. Do not let something suck the energy out of you when you have the power to release it.

If you find yourself resenting a situation, picture yourself in a bubble.

Fill this bubble with all people, and events currently going on in your life. Are you feeling claustrophobic? Good.

Now find that situation you dread and erase it. Take a mental pencil eraser to it, blow it away, mentally burn it, imagine it washing away with water - whatever works for you. Do this with your eyes closed.

I guarantee you will instantly feel the relief of empty space, like a literal weight off your shoulders. Now breathe through that empty space, find the next situation that you can't change or no longer accept, and erase that as well.

Now, try to do the same in the physical realm in the best way possible, and know the relief, freedom, and peace that awaits.

I took this to the max and I literally quit my job.

Just the mention of it gave me instant anxiety, and I noticed I was dreading any commitment that came along with it.

To get the full effect of this freedom, I immediately thereafter deleted all emails from said job, as well as the app our co-workers communicated on. What a breath of fresh air. Not only did I get rid of something that drained my energy, I am now free to the possibilities of something better coming along.

Sadly, I have had to apply this rule to people - friends, boys, teachers, acquaintances. I have had to completely sever ties to people in my life recently.

I tried steps one and two, and they just were not working. I could feel these people sucking my happiness. It was tough initially, because I love everyone around me, but now I can feel myself being more open, confident and happy.

It's all about healthy change.

Now that you know these three simple, but life-changing, rules I encourage you to go through this process with everything you face in your daily life.

Never be afraid to ask for more or less, and always do what you feel in your heart.

If anything makes you unhappy just by the thought of it popping up in your head, that is the easiest, most prominent sign of some dysfunction at any level.

You deserve better. You deserve to be happy. And you deserve to be able to free yourself from this negative mental prison you keep yourself locked in.

Peace and blessings, y'all.

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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Bullet Journaling Saved My Life

I finally found a new approach to time management.

My first semester as a college student was a little hectic – to say the least. From joining way too many clubs, taking on an 18-credit course load to trying to manage a social life, I had very little time to breathe.

Moving into the spring semester, I knew I had to manage my time better. I had to realize, for starters, that time is not infinite. It seemed like a novel idea to make up a schedule at the beginning of each week to keep track of my class time, clubs and save room for destressing or socializing. Then, and only then, would I be able to fully understand how much time I had to commit to other things like more clubs or a job, for instance.

Although I had discovered this solution by the end of my fall semester, I never gave it much thought to how I would actually carry it out.

Everything started to fall into place after Christmas. First, I received an essential gift from my boyfriend’s mom – the necessary tools to carry out my new time management solution. I received one pack of black and one pack of assorted colored Paper Mate InkJoy Gel pens – the kind that even a lefty does not smudge. With those pens, I received a purple journal. What seemed like everyday gifts for the aspiring writer became my weapons of choice when battling my busy schedule. A couple days later, my boyfriend’s mom added to the gift that keeps on giving. She posted a few videos on my Facebook page introducing a new concept for me: bullet journaling. I had found the theory for my solution and I had just received the tools.

I was ready to begin my journey with the best anxiety-reducing, stress-relieving, and creativity-inducing practice.

The weekend before break ended, I started preparing my journal. For me, it took a lot of thought before I started marking up my journal with pen. I planned out exactly what I would be putting into my bullet journal and how many pages that would take.

For those who have not yet discovered bullet journaling – I highly recommend watching a couple videos to see how they are set up (you might end up wanting to try one yourself). To save some time, I will provide a quick idea of the concept. A bullet journal most closely resembles an in-depth planner. In some stores you can even buy a planner with some of the features I will detail later rather than making a bullet journal from scratch. It is very costly and a little more difficult to personalize this way, but it saves a lot of time. A bullet journal can help you track and manage whatever you want from the movies you would like to watch this year to your budget. The way in which you do this can be as organized or as messy as you would like.

I started with a basic cover page. I decided that I would only map out one semester in the journal, so I could have more room to schedule out my days. I added in features like a future log and a few pages to keep track of the books, movies, and TV shows I want to read or watch this semester. Like a regular planner, I have two pages mapped out at the beginning of each month to look at my schedule in a normal calendar form. Then, each day has its own page where I write down my schedule starting from the morning to the evening hours. It is a great way to keep track of classes and events for the day and still find time to fit in homework.

One of the most satisfying perks of having a bullet journal for me is being able to check off different activities once I have completed them and have a really solid idea of where I stand as far as work I have finished and work I still need to do. I add a daily do to do list with each schedule, so I can remember the minor things that I might typically forget – like running to the mail room to pick up a letter.

It is also very convenient to have everything in one place. With regular planners, I would often find myself keeping track of my homework in one planner while keeping interviews or other activities on my phone calendar and even more things on a physical calendar in my dorm. To add more chaos to my life, I usually kept a hard copy of my class schedule in my dorm rather than putting it on one of those platforms.

It was overwhelming.

Bullet journaling simplifies everything. I keep it with me at all times, so I always know what I am doing next and I never lose track of important meetings and due dates.Bullet journaling can be so much more than time management too. I use colored pens (it makes looking at a busy schedule less stressful and a little more fun). You can make your journal as creative or as simple as you would like. I usually stick to writing things down in my typical handwriting but for those who are into calligraphy – this is a perfect place to get fancy and practice new fonts.

It works for stress relief. Some people add in coloring pages to complete as they go throughout the journal. I plan to add inspiring and uplifting quotes throughout my journal to keep me from completely stressing out when I am overloaded.

The whole concept of bullet journaling can sound very time-consuming but for me personally, I have found you can put in as little or as much time as you want into the process. If you want to get creative and spend a couple hours a day on it, that is certainly possible, but it does not need to take that much time. I took the route of mapping out my schedule for maybe half an hour at the beginning of the week. Then, when I get a chance, I revisit it a couple times throughout the week to add more to my schedule as needed.

You also really do not have to be creative at all. I had no idea where to start when I first decided to do a bullet journal but there are plenty of videos that can give you inspiration and ideas for fun features and ways to make your bullet journal. To personalize it, you can mix and match ideas from different videos.

The only thing I find frustrating in bullet journalling is mapping out lines for some of the features. I constantly mess up the lines or the things I am writing down and since it is in pen, I often find myself reaching for the white out. That may be because I am a perfectionist though. Again, a bullet journal can be as messy or as organized as you would like, so have fun with it.

For anyone thinking about bullet journaling, I would definitely recommend it. Watch some videos online to get a tutorial of the different things you can do with a bullet journal. Stop by a craft store and find some colored pens, sticky notes, or stickers that would make bullet journaling more fun for you. It is definitely a time saver. At the beginning of the day, I feel better prepared for anything that may come up. I have a concise schedule of my plans for the day and I know how much time I have to devote to each task or activity for that day.

My first week with bullet journaling has been a success. I am in a much calmer state and my bullet journal will help me stay on track throughout the semester.

It may not be for everyone, but it is worth a try.

Cover Image Credit: Ashley Stalnecker

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To The Girl Who's Lonely, It's Time To Recognize Your Worth

Your value is not based on what other people think of you.

Dear Lonely Girl,

You are not alone. I know it's hard, and we all feel lonely sometimes. We don't always do well at taking care of each other, and we start to question our self-worth. Please know that you are more than enough just by being you.

It's OK to be lonely. Nothing is wrong with you because you want to be around other people or you're hoping for someone to love you in the way you wish they would. I pray that you find the strength to take care of yourself despite any unfulfilled hopes and desires. Don't rely on other people for your happiness.

Unfortunately, you will be disappointed. People are imperfect. Find the beauty in the things that surround you and what you're doing each day.

There is so much in the rollercoaster of life that makes living colorful. Remember that there are aspects of life that matter to you and things you are passionate about. Continue to work to be inspired. There's some beauty in loneliness. You might come to discover more about yourself than you initially thought you could. Know that someone out there cares about you, even if human beings are imperfect in expressing love.

I hope that you have even one person that you connect with that cares about you.

Your value is not based on what other people think of you.

Your identity is so much more than that.

Treat yourself well. Life is too short - you should be collecting experiences. Even if it's by yourself, go to that movie. Take the road trip. Go find out something about yourself that you may not discover another way. Just because someone has not expressed an undying devotion to you does not mean all hope is lost. You are still beautiful. You have thoughts and ideas that matter. Your struggles, hopes, and dreams deserve to be known. If today was hard, tomorrow will be better.

Feeling lonely is a little easier if you like being with yourself. I hope that you can see your self-worth and beauty as much as those who love you can.

This letter is as much to you as it is to myself.


A girl who's also lonely sometimes

Cover Image Credit: @hellodarlingblog

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