I'm Hurting

I am writing this about six days before Christmas, and the month of December hasn't been the greatest, to be honest. With everything going on outside of work and when I heard I was being fired from the job I was just put into in August, I feel empty on the inside. Yup, four months into my new job, and I was fired.

The crazy thing is me getting fired wasn't the kicker that caused the sadness I currently feel writing this, it's more of the buildup than anything. When I was at my full-time job running tournaments with my juniors, I had the opportunity to talk to parents, and there was a clear trend. At 23 years old, the parents said I wish I were you when I was that age, traveling the world, doing something you love, and just living life. These were the parents I loved. On the other hand, I also had parents say you don't deserve to be in the spot you're in and that the sense of entitlement you feel in that position will soon diminish. As rudely as this came off, I still took those words to heart, and unfortunately, those parents were right, the free ride of my first job is over.

Also this year, I decided to take a different approach and decide to entertain the thought of possibly dating. Life has a funny way of knocking you back down to your place because the amount of times I actually secured a date in the month of December is also the same amount I got stood up.

I am now here, writing this article, frantically looking over jobs, and watching my bank account slowly diminish dollar by dollar, knowing that at some point or another I won't be able to afford the luxury everyday items I have to pay for in the new post-grad life I have established. I am also alone, with everything to gain, and unfortunately everything to lose as well, and the course to rock bottom has begun.

I know you've heard the success stories of many famous celebrities and millionaires that hit rock bottom and rose from the ashes, but that doesn't happen to everyone. Many dreams live on forever, but also many dreams go somewhere else and die, and I am not entirely sure which category I will be falling into.

For those reading this up to this point, have I hit rock bottom yet? I don't think so, but I am awfully close. I'm in pain, I am not okay, I have to fake a smile to everyone around me saying I have this magical plan to get myself back on my feet, but frankly, that plan does not exist. I am surviving on 75-cent Walmart hotdogs and applying to every job ad I see on Indeed because crisis mode has officially begun. The blogs will continue because if I actually make it out of this situation better than I was four months ago when I graduated, I will certainly surprise myself. To the editors reading this, I am probably not gonna promote this one like the other ones, I just needed to get this on my chest. Alright, enough of this, time to go find my calling (again).

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