On Wednesday, March 21st, 2018, I landed myself in the hospital after an unfortunate dislocation of my thumb that resulted from a fall. I had to make a few phone calls to explain the situation to my parents, and naturally, my friends were all curious about the splint that covers my thumb and wrist.
Everyone was curious, but no one was surprised. "This would only happen to you," was said on multiple occasions. I added the injury to my list of embarrassing injury stories and took some ibuprofen.
After a rough night of ice on my wrist (so I look better when I dance) and aggressively squeezing my roommate's hand when they popped the joint back in, I bought myself a pint of ice cream and came up with cool stories for how it happened besides "I fell."
I tried quoting Ratatouille by telling people "I once killed a man with this thumb." My roommate offered to put makeup on her face to make it look like I gave her a black eye. I contemplated using the "this is getting heavy can you hold it for me" pick up line, followed by placing my splinted "club hand" onto a cute boy's hand.
I resorted to the short and sweet story, "I fell" because people know I'm a klutz, and I'm pretty sure they sit around waiting to hear another story.
I've concussed myself after tipping my chair over trying to lean back and catch a pretzel in my mouth.
I've slammed my other thumb in a car door so hard the door shut.
I have a scar on my upper arm because my reflexes failed me taking a hot pan out of the oven. It was so hot it started to burn through the oven mitts and my first reaction was to yank the scalding piece of metal towards me. In case you were wondering, I was making tater tots.
I've opened a door into my face so hard it's knocked me over.
I one time fell into my locker and hit my eye on the knob part of the inside where the lock latches.
When I was very young, I broke my foot jumping off the bed.
Another tiny tot accident of mine occurred when I ran straight off the playground equipment. When asked why I did such a thing, I responded with "I thought there was a slide there."
Sometimes my brain fails to function at a normal speed while my body decides to keep moving and my mouth decides to keep running. I also have some ridiculous quotes and not so bright ideas.
While baking a cake for my sister, I took the directions "Grease the bottom of the pan," quite literally and flipped the pan over to grease it.
I've asked what day of the week Tuesday is and when the Fourth of July falls this year.
Recently, I boasted about my superb memory and followed my less than humble bragging session (we all do it) with "Wait what was I talking about again?"
I could name so many more similar instances, but I'll leave you with some of what little of my dignity remains intact.
My life could be a TV sitcom. I've been dubbed accident prone and unlucky by everyone I know. I thought I could shake the image when I got to college with a clean slate, but my true, black and blue colors eventually shined through.
I'll keep making idiotic statements, accumulating scars that have humiliating backstories, and following directions a bit too literally. But, I've learned to look on the bright side, and I know I'll always have a good story to tell.