Be fearless. Be relentless. Have no regrets. These are just a few of the things that I hear on a daily basis as a young woman in college.

I'm here to tell you that it's easier to tell someone to not be afraid of something than it is to actually be brave.

You see, recently I find myself stuck in this rut. I want to live my life the way that I want to. I want to live a life which is fulfilling for me and only me, because after all, in the end, the only person who has my back is in fact, me.

Perhaps I am too dependent on my parents financially to actually jump on the whole "live your own life" band wagon. I know that this is my "problem." I want to have lilac hair, wear my nose ring, and go to concerts and music festivals. Yet, my parents want me to make memories without spending money, keep my blonde hair, and they don't like my nose ring. Between the threats of, "We won't pay for your car anymore" and "you'll disappoint us if you get another piercing," I'm scared.

I am scared to act on the things that make me happy.

I need to figure out the things in life that are outside my parents home that would make me happy. But I am so scared. I'm scared to fail and that I'll have to ask for money or help in other ways. And I know that they won't support me financially if I go and do something that makes me happy, yet that they don't approve of.

If I used my savings to buy a one-way plane ticket to Boston and started a new life out there, and failed, I know that they would help me get back on my feet, but they would be disappointed. I live in this constant state of questioning myself and my decisions because I want to be "good" in their eyes.

I can't help but think that my life is going on without me in it and that I am a robot stuck on replay everyday.

What if I have a life out of the midwest waiting for me, but I'm not starting that life because I'm scared? I wish that it was easier done than said, that way I would do more things that I want to do without holding back. Why is it that I am so afraid to do the things that I think might make me happy? When did I become the person who cared so much about what other's thought about my life? Part of me is scared that this is who I am now and that I'll never really get over my fear of being independent.

Then again, am I scared of being independent or of being happy? Have I ever really been happy? Truly happy? Probably not. Maybe I am afraid to feel something new. Is this what being in love is like? I wish that this life were just like the movies. That I could just pick up and go somewhere and start a life. But reality destroys that dream. Because living is expensive, it's stressful, and I'm not ready. But I am ready.

I want to live without just being alive.

How does one know when it's the right time to take such a big step?

I ask myself these questions literally daily. How can I be a responsible, yet spontaneous living woman? Is it really as difficult as I think it is? Or is living as easy as the movies make it seem? Have you truly lived yet?