Does 'Ashley Madison' Prove We Can't Commit To True Love

Does 'Ashley Madison' Prove We Can't Commit To True Love

“Life is short. Have an affair.” -- Excuse me?
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“Life is short. Have an affair.” This is the classy slogan of Canadian-based online dating website Ashley Madison. Many people became aware of the Ashley Madison company because their database was hacked and a long list of names was released, exposing the affairs of celebrities and everyday people alike. But, did you know that Ashley Madison has over 40,090,000 anonymous members? This is a greater number than the population of Tokyo, Mumbai, New York City, and Paris – combined. It’s baffling that our society has turned the sanctity of marriage or a committed relationship into a loose label with constant urge for “more.” We expect perfection out of others, get bored easily, and crave instant gratification – thriving on selfish instincts. Where do we draw the line?

Dating has become such an open concept in our generation that it’s hard to tell when you even begin dating at all. “Talking,” texting, “things,” booty calls, and so many other newly popular relationship titles open up the door for cheating, hurt, and horrible expectations for yourself or others. Our society has completely dropped the tradition of first dates, first kisses, and commitment – making sites like Ashley Madison thrive and dragging moralities low.

I may be archaic, but I believe you have the choice to be with someone or not. If you choose to commit to being with someone, you actually commit. Love is not something that needs to be tampered with, as it is fragile. So why is it that, as a society, we crave sexual gratification from multiple sources after we commit? If you want to have many partners, don’t commit at all. We have all watched friends, family, and colleagues cry over the misconducts of cheating, yet there are still over 40 million members on Ashley Madison and affairs happening every minute.

Here’s what that says to me: “Real love doesn’t exist; it has a timeline. As soon as something goes wrong, it will fall apart.” Now, I know this is not true, but this is what is being taught to our generation. I’m in love, and my parents are in love, but we are being exposed to media telling us that you can have a little boo-thang on the side, and it’s not only normal, but encouraged.

How can we change this?

I don’t think we should judge those who have sexual social lives, but I also don’t think those people should be in a committed relationship until they are ready to accept the responsibilities. Relationships are no walk in the park, and jealousy is lighter fluid. We get jealous of our partner for fear they are cheating, because society says they are. Yes, life would be much easier if you focus on yourself and instant gratification forever, that way no one gets hurt, and you never are subjected to the affair-driven media, yet still are getting what you want.

But, love is a more beautiful thing – it is worth the work. There is a reason people have found their life partners since the beginning of time and love has been said to move mountains. We, as humans, long for companionship. Some people are not cut out for the work it takes to be in such a devoted relationship, but I believe it’s worth it. At the end of the day, we need to go back to the tradition of dating, kissing, holding hands, and putting work into building relationships when we are finally ready to be in one, not look for the next girl/boy to have on the side.

Ashley Madison may be a trend, but love has stood the test of time – cherish it. Life is short, so find love you want to truly commit to.

Cover Image Credit: http://www.thestranger.com/binary/39d5/1440456598-ashmadimage.jpg

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To The Boy Who Will Love Me Next

If you can't understand these few things, leave before things get too involved
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To the boy that will love me next, I need you to know and understand things about me and my past. The things I have been though not only have shaped the person I’ve become, but also sometimes controls my life. In the past I’ve been used, abused, and taken for granted, and I want something real this time. The guys before you were just boys; they didn’t know how to treat me until it was too late. They didn’t understand how to love me, until I broke my own heart. Before you truly decide to love me I want you to understand these things.

When I tell you something, please listen.

I’m my own person, I want to be loved a certain way. If I ask you to come over and watch movies with me please do it, if I ask for you to leave me alone for a few hours because it’s a girl’s night please do it. I don’t just say things to hear my own voice, I say things to you because it’s important to my life and the way I want to be loved. I’m not a needy person when it comes to being loved and cared for, but I do ask for you to do the small things that I am say.

Forgive my past.

My past is not a pretty brick road, it is a highway that has a bunch of potholes and cracks in it. I have a lot of baggage, and most of it you won’t understand. But don’t let my past decided whether you want to love me or not. My past has helped form who I am today, but it does not define who I am. My past experiences might try and make an appearance every once in a while, but I will not go back to that person I once was, I will not return to all that hurt I once went though. When I say those things, I’m telling the complete and honest truth. I relive my past every day, somethings haunt me and somethings are good reminds. But for you to love me, I need you to accept my past, present and future.

I’m just another bro to the other guys.

I have always hung out with boys, I don’t fit in with the girl groups. I have 10 close girlfriends, but the majority of my friends are guy, but don’t let this scare you. If I wanted to be with one of my guy friends I would already be with him, and if you haven’t noticed I don’t want them because I’m with you. I will not lose my friendships with all my guy friends to be able to stay with you. I will not cut off ties because you don’t like my guy friends. I have lost too many buddies because of my ex-boyfriends and I promised myself I wouldn’t do that again. If you don’t like how many guy friends I have you can leave now. Don’t bother trying to date me if you can accept the fact I’m just another bro.

I might be a badass, but I actually have a big heart.

To a lot of people I come off to be a very crazy and wild girl. I will agree I can be crazy and wild, but I’m more than that. I’m independent, caring, responsible, understanding, forgiving, and so such more type of woman. Many people think that I’m a badass because I don’t take any negatively from anyone. Just like we learned when we were younger, “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it at all.” Most people can’t do that in today’s world, so I stick up for myself and my friends. I don’t care what anyone thinks about me, or their option on how I live my life. The only thing I care about is being able to make myself happy. Even though I’m an independent woman, understand that I do have a big heart. Honesty when I truly care for someone I will do just about anything they ask, but don’t take advantage of this. Once you take advantage of this part of me, all respect will be lost for you.

I’m hard to love.

Sometimes I want to be cuddle and get attention, and sometimes I don’t want you to talk to me for a couple hours. Sometimes I want you to take me out for a nice meal, but sometimes I want a home cooked meal. Every day is different for me, sometimes I change my mind every hour. My mood swings are terrible on certain days, and on those days you should probably just ignore me. I’m not easy to love, so you’ll either be willing to find a way to love me, or you’ll walk out like so many others have.

I’m scared.

I’m scared to love someone again. I’ve been hurt, heartbroken, and beat to the ground in my past relationships. I want to believe you are different, I want to hope things will truly work out, but every relationship has always ended up the same way. I’m scared to trust someone, put my whole heart into them, just to be left and heartbroken again. I sick and tired of putting my whole body and soul into someone for them to just leave when it is convenient for them. If you want to love me, understand it won’t be easy for me to love you back.

When “I’m done.”

When I say “I’m done” I honestly don’t mean that I’m done. When I say that it means I need and want you to fight for me, show me why you want to be with me. I need you to prove that I’m worth it and there’s no one else but me. If I was truly done, I would just walk away, and not come back. So if I ever tell you, “I’m done,” tell me all the reasons why I’m truly not done.

For the boy who will love me next, the work is cut out for you, you just have to be willing to do it. I’m not like other girls, I am my own person, and I will need to be treated as such. For the boy that will love me next, don’t bother with me unless you really want to be with me. I don’t have time to waste on you if you aren’t going to try and make something out of us. To the boy who will love me next, the last thing I would like to say is good luck, I have faith in you.

Cover Image Credit: Danielle Balint

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To The States That Made Abortion Illegal, Thank You

Thank you to the few states who have worked tirelessly against Roe vs. Wade in efforts to defend the truly defenseless.

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To the states that have challenged Roe vs. Wade, valued all life, and stood against the tides of time all in efforts to defend the truly defenseless, thank you. However, this is only the beginning. For those who do not know, Roe vs. Wade was a monumental U.S. Supreme Court case stating "a right to privacy" when discussing a mother`s choice in having an abortion. The court case, which soon became a clause in the fourteenth amendment, said to balance the value of women's' health and prenatal health. Since the creation of this clause, the ruling of Roe vs. Wade, and recent political events, the U.S. has been divided into two separate groups of pro-life and pro-death a.k.a. pro-mother's-choice-and-not-babies.

Evidently, the conflict from differences in opinion has caused feuds and fingers to be pointed. While I have seen a million times "My body is my decision" on my feed in result of political events like New York's law to terminate full grown babies and Alabama`s law to criminalize doctors who perform them, I am here to voice my opinion and defend those who cannot.

Thank you to the government officials who knew they would face backlash when voting to limit, criminalize, and stop abortions. In no way are abortions an attack on women but solely on the child`s life. After all, in an abortion, they literally rip the baby`s body-limb by limb-piece by piece-out of the uterus in order to kill the growing organism and child. Those who are pro-choice say it is the mother`s decision simply because it is her body. Well, I am here to say IT IS NOT. In an abortion they rip the baby`s body-limb by limb, piece by piece out of the uterus rather than the mother's leg or head. Depending on the mental capacity of each individual and provided care, the baby may still rely on the mother and others (therefore being dependent) way into late teens. So why is the statement, "The baby is still reliant on the mother for nutrients, care, and life.", a huge justification for abortion? Does this mean we can kill off those who are mentally incapable of taking care of themselves like elderly, disabled, and young children? No. Why is the statement, "The baby does not have a heartbeat so it is not considered living.", a form of life authentication?

People as young as 11 weeks premature have been fitted for pacemakers because without pacemakers they would lose circulation, brain function, and die. Are those with pacemakers dead? No. Why is the statement, "In rape/incest situations, abortion is justifiable?" Certainly, rape is wrong. Certainly do I feel that rape needs to be punished and rapists need to be prosecuted to a higher extent than just a few years like it is presently. However, we learned at a young age (like to never lie) that two wrongs never make a right. So why are we attempting to make right with two wrongs (rape and the slaughtering of innocent life)? There are ways to turn something evil, cruel, and sickening into something so pure such as life. It is possible for children and mothers of rape to continue out to full term. Children of rape and incest matter but abortion in "rape and incest situations" dehumanizes them.

Everyone is of equal value regardless of age, sex, gender, race, ethnicity...Students apply for financial aid in college so why don't more mothers seek out financial assistance with pregnancy rather than abortion? Why don't mothers seek out couples who want to adopt or cannot have children to pay for medical bills? THERE ARE PLENTY OUT THERE. There are over 600,000 abortions annually and 2 million couples/families waiting to adopt in the U.S. alone. In perspective, there are about 36 families for every available child. Someone is willing to skip the line and wait to pay for a baby`s life and health of the mother. I say this while being a female but in shear honesty-THAT SHOULD NOT MATTER. Why is the statement, "You're not a woman so be quiet" justification for abortion? Oh wait, that is not justification but tribalism. Tribalism is the idea that people of only particular experiences (like being particular races, genders, and ethnicities) can determine truth. This idea is toxic and only those afraid of persecution from different world views/perspectives would stoop to use such an excuse. Humans regardless of race, ethnicity, sex... have the right to voice their opinion as much as the next person because the only reason people say otherwise is when they don't have valid justification to "debunk" another`s claim.

With these newly suggested bills and laws, it is only the beginning and merely a single step of the marathon. There is a lot to fix throughout the political realm of abortion and even throughout general politics (ex: rapists should receive longer sentences). In the end, there are millions of reasons and valid justifications for not having an abortion but NONE for terminating the life of a child. All of the so-called justifications for abortion is an excuse for the real "reason" people have but feel guilty about admitting. The "real" reason people have an abortion comes down to selfishness and valuing themselves over another life. I cannot imagine a more tragic and horrible thing to do than murdering a defenseless person and then justifying it by saying they were unworthy of life.

Centers for free and low-cost care for both mothers and children: https://www.care-net.org/find-a-pregnancy-center

Adoption: http://www.adopt.org

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