Sometimes people go through life gracefully, sailing through all the minor bumps and bruises to live a life of happiness and contentment. Sometimes people walk through life, dealing with the good and bad as it comes, but always continuing to move forwards. Then there are the people who can't quite keep their balance, and find themselves falling off life's clearly marked path into a dark tangled mess of depression they can't see their way out of. Three years ago, that was me. I was lost and (thought I was) alone, and I couldn't see a way out of the mess I had ensnared myself in. Frankly, I reached a point where I didn't care anymore about getting up and fighting. I made peace with letting the dark consume me.

But I had a moment, just one small little blip, which woke me up. It wasn't like everything was suddenly amazing again, but for the first time in a while, I wanted to fight for myself and for my future. I had the support of my family and the people in this world who care about me, and I eventually found my way to the "light at the end of the tunnel." Cue the happily ever after...maybe. I will forever be thankful for finding my way out of the dark, but sometimes when you have spent a lot of time in the dark, the light is a little bit blinding, and you still struggle to see your way.

Metaphors aside, once you have made it out of the darkest part of your struggle, life is not just an easy breezy joyride. That depression had such a hold on us that we will never be able to truly forget it. But maybe we shouldn't want to forget it. The experiences we have in our lives make us who we are. I know today that I would never do-over that time in my life. Do I wish it hadn't been quite so bad? Yes, of course. But it is blatantly obvious to me that that crucible made me who I am in so many ways. I am stronger now, and I truly care about the people around me, something I was afraid to do before. That time, however bad it was, made me who I am.

In the past few years I have seen people struggle with all sorts of issues in their lives. Somewhere along the way I have heard some of them say "I don't know what to do," or "I will never get out of this." I haven't had thoughts like that in three years. I know now that, even if I am upset or confused, I can fight through whatever I am dealing with. I know I have fought through much worse before, and that gives me strength to be willing to fight again, even if I'm scared to.

Yes, it would be nice to have a "normal" life. It would be nice to not have to pay attention to my old warning signs when they pop up. It would be lovely to not have a significant chunk of time in my life be a little black pit I can't dwell on easily. I would love that. But that's not the path I'm on, and I've made my peace with it. Truth is, I don't know if I ever truly reached the end of that tunnel where the light was. I think we are all still in that tunnel in a way. We constantly look to have our perfect happy life, but we will never be truly satisfied with what we have. There will always be darkness creeping into the shadows behind us, and sometimes it will even sneak up and block out some of the light we have fought so hard for. But instead of trying to ignore the darkness, we need to accept it. If we fight to hide away sadness or anger or any other unhealthy and potentially dangerous emotions, we will wake up one day and have a beast on our hands. But if we can take everything we learned in that dark time and actually put it to use, we can live a life that is healthy and we can move confidently forward into our future.

So no, I don't think there really is a life "after" depression that is free and clear of it all. There will never be a day where you turn around and say, "there, that was the moment I lost all of my depression forever." But I do think there is a life that comes after the worst of it, where we can thrive and even be truly happy. There will be plenty of days where you smile and laugh so hard that that darkness seems like an imagined place, instead of what once was your reality. Not every day will be perfect or even good, but believe me, there will be a time after the darkest part, when you can see the light and learn to live in it again. And that is a life worth fighting for.