As the year quickly comes to end I’m greeted by a question that has become an expected occurrence: should I let go? This questions extends to the great depths of my life from people, truths, faith, dependencies, attempted diet plans, material possessions, to my Netflix subscription.

All jokes aside I personally believe that letting go is one of the hardest things to do as a person, it’s one of the hardest things to do for me. I am a fixer, and a hoper all bundled together and when it comes to letting go that’s a lethal combination. My desire to fix a situation outweighs every piece of logic I possess. I channel every ounce of Olivia Pope and I become fixated on the idea that I can change something or someone, that I can be what they need. When my ability to fix is overshadowed I unfold tiny pieces of hope. That hope begins to carry me over months of time, but what I’ve come to realize is that empty hope only carries you to unresolved issues.

For years I have spent my time and energy attempting to fix someone that does not want to change. I have used every inch of brain to come up with a plan for help, every sleepless night they have taken hold of me propelling me into a craze of the continued question- how can I help? I have carried my hope deep into the depths of his problems and I have been left empty-handed and bruised. I have watched addiction change the course of all the aspects I thought I could control. I have lost the control I so furiously fought for. Every single thing, person, sign, tells me to let go of a toxic person, that I am allowing them to hurt me in the long run.

Over the course of the last couple of months I have searched for an answer. Should I let go? I have immersed myself in religion, I have rekindled my faith, I have read, I have talked, I have prayed, and I still do not know.

However, I do know that deciding to let go is not a sign of weakness, it is not failure and in some cases it is absolutely necessary.