"The most beautiful part to loving a guarded girl is this: When she lets you in, it's not because she needs you. She stopped needing people a long time ago. It's because she wants you, And that - that is the purest love of all. …… Know that a woman who is guarded, cautious & reserved, has often had to learn to stand up for herself & be strong. She has had to face a lot of struggles & pain on her own, at times with little to no support or comfort from good friends & loving family along the way."

The past three years or so have been rocky with relationships. I lost all trust in men back in 2013. Many high hopes and broken promises. I would commit myself to a guy during the "talking" stage and expect him to do the same, but that never turned out like what I hoped for. I could blame guys for getting my hopes up but then I blame myself for having high expectations and thinking ahead too much, which I tend to do ALL THE TIME. Now, I'm trying to let love in. I've always let my guard down to the wrong ones, but kept it up for the ones who were great guys. I'm working on taking my time with men and not rushing feelings, words, and emotions. I need to follow my gut instead of chasing after the ones who make it hard for me to get the attention I deserve. I've always liked the chase for some God awful reason, but that's when I would get my feelings hurt, and all of it became extremely stressful.

So here's to all the girls who are guarded, cautious and reserved:

1. FOLLOW YOUR HEART.
2. Stop thinking about everything so much; you're breaking your own heart.
3. Sometimes what you're looking for comes when you're not even looking

There's always been this guy since sophomore year of college that I kept pushing aside. I'm finally realizing that I pushed him aside because I knew that he was good for me. I didn't have to work for his attention or anything. It all came so natural. It's sad to say that finally at 22 years old, I now understand. Here we are, finally together. I have let my guard down to the man that deserves to know everything about me, who goes out of his way to spend time with me, see my different lifestyle back at home, and I'm letting him love me! Am I still scared? LIKE NO OTHER. I have so many things that run through my head, I can't help but be scared but when we're together, I feel at home. I'm scared of my anxiety getting the best of me and pushing him away. He knows about my mental health, (obsessive compulsive disorder, anxiety, and depression) which I'm medicated for, but I just can't seem to completely open up and explain them all to him. It makes me nervous and wonder if he thinks I'm crazy like seeing me get all frustrated when my shoe laces aren't straight or some other silly things that get my heart racing.

BUT what really gets my heart racing is him and the characteristics he possesses:

1. generous
2. selfless
3. hardworking
4. active
5. smart
6. mature
7. UNDERSTANDING
   

He makes me feel calm, and he is willing to listen to everything. I just hate using my words, which is my largest downfall. He knows when I'm having a rough day, and asks if I want to talk about it instead of ignoring the situation and calling me crazy. He goes out of his way for me, and I would do the same for him. He's willing to drive almost an hour to see my family for me. He is everything I could wish for and some. I'm beyond blessed and the patience he has with me. I'm glad I have been patient, yet picky all this time because I strongly believe that God lead him to me, and his timing is always perfect.

Ecclesiastes 3:1 There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens