All of my life, I've had a fear of saying no. Whether I was asked to do a favor, asked to hangout, or asked to do anything imaginable, I've almost always said yes, even if it wasn't what I wanted to do at the moment. I've always thought that by saying no to friends, family, and acquaintances I would be thought of as rude or selfish. But over time, it's turned into people knowing how open-hearted I am and taking advantage of my willingness to do things for people.

If you have a hard time saying no to people and standing up for yourself, don't think of it as a personal problem. I used to be down on myself if I ever did say no, and I would even be down on myself for saying yes to too many people. Having a fear of saying no means you've been blessed with a selfless and open heart, and you never want to leave anyone you know feeling let down. You put other people's needs and wants before your own. You put love for others first, and you love hard and wholeheartedly. Just because you say no, doesn't mean you aren't kind. You always say yes, even if you don't feel good, have things to do, or simply don't feel like it. All of this is okay, but after years and years of letting people learn who you are, walk all over you, and take advantage of your vulnerability, you have to learn how to stop saying yes, and learn how to stand up for yourself.

No matter what the situation may be, you probably need to take a step back and look at how saying yes to certain things or certain people has affected you. Chances are, saying yes so many times has probably left you feeling fulfilled and helpful at some points, but for the most part has left you feeling used and tired. If you know that someone genuinely wants or needs you, saying yes shouldn't be a problem.

Learn when it's time to say no. It's usually obvious after some time when people are using you, and learn to say no during those times. Nothing is wrong with making your selfless heart a little more selfish when it comes to saying no. If you never learn to say no, you will ultimately end up doing nothing but encouraging people who use you to keep using you, and hurting yourself.

You may be scared to stand up for yourself and say no to people. It's totally normal and okay. There's a way to be more selfish without losing your genuine selflessness. Before doing something for someone, think to yourself: 1. Do they really want or need me, or are they just asking me because they know I'll say yes? 2. Will I feel better after saying yes and helping them, or feel like I'm being taken advantage of? 3. Is it beneficial to both of us if I say yes? If you can answer all of those questions, you should be able to identify when you should and shouldn't say no to others. Asking yourself these questions will help you keep yourself sane, while still letting your open heart do its work by saying yes to and helping others.

There's nothing wrong with having a big and open heart. Just remember to take care of it.