In my life, I have met many men who have put me down and made me feel less of the strong independent woman I was raised to be. Although, there are many others I could address this letter to, I will raise my voice towards you instead.

You are the smallest man I have ever met, not so much as a literal sense, but more metaphorically because this was the way you once made me feel. I very much doubt that you will read this, but in case you do there are some things that we need to address.

When we began, I believed we were equals. There were many things we had in common, such as the things we suffered from. In that sense, we were the same. We both knew what it was like to be turned away because of something we could not control. Instead, we confided with each other and that was perhaps where the downfall began. You see, where you had already gotten used to the madness, I was merely getting started. I was new to this kind of lost and uncontrollable sickness as my emotions ran loose and I could not keep up. When I needed you to be there, you were there. But when you started to run loose I was too afraid. I began to take the blame to question myself and my feelings. It was my fault I couldn't get myself together to be your pillow, your parent, your therapist, and your savior. But after confiding with close friends, I realized I wasn't supposed to be any of those things for you.

I knew what you were doing when I spoke to my sister; someone who had practically taken a masters course in emotional abuse. When you shamed me for activities that every social person on campus did or when I had a strong desire for something like a tattoo, it was abuse. When you constantly relayed your depression onto me despite me giving you other resources to use, despite you being aware that I was also struggling to maintain myself, you ignored them and pushed more issues onto me. When you berated me for not spending more nights with you than your buddies did with their girlfriends, I still question whether or not I should've just kept my mouth shut. When you had your issues, I was left to clean up the pieces. Your jealousy was unbearable and also ridiculous. And despite our closeness, you didn't even know what I liked in my coffee.

And when I suggested we take a break, because I needed to know how you would be without your comfort pillow, I went out and found more resources. Clinics that would offer free couples counseling, asking other couples how they overcame their uneasiness and anxiety. I even signed myself up for relationship counselling because I was so convinced it was all my fault. Through it all I realized that I really did love you and I would fight and make it work. But you turned around and abandoned me instead. Like everyone else had. I realized that we weren't equal at all.

There are many things you did after that day as well, participating in the same activities you shamed me in. You brougt a breakup letter to my workplace to make sure I got the message. But I won't repeat myself, hopefully you have also received the message.

I was a mess last year, I will freely admit it but I will not take responsibility for all of it. After all, it takes two to tango and you stole the dance all on your own.