Dear my high school boyfriend,
I loved you, and not in the cheap way that you see teenagers "love" one another nowadays. It was the kind of love you see in Nicholas Sparks movies; sometimes I wish I could live in one of those movies because there's usually a happy ending. Like most people who walk into my life, I had no idea what you would do for me and what our relationship would hold and I am so thankful it happened.
Don't get me wrong, I still miss you a whole lot. There isn't a day that goes by where you don't cross my mind and I wonder what it would be like if we had decided that going to different colleges doesn't really matter and that we could still make it work. I still wait for a phone call in the middle of the night saying that you made a huge mistake and we can work it out.
But life isn't a Nicholas Sparks movie.
I believe that every relationship should teach you something and you taught me to stop trying to grow up so fast. You taught me to run around in the rain and laugh like it is the last time I will ever have the opportunity to do so. You told me to enjoy the little things because life is full of them.
Along with being my boyfriend, you were also my best friend. You knew all my secrets and the things that bothered me the most. You knew all of my favorite things. And you would watch my favorite movie, read my favorite book, or simply listen to my favorite song right along with me. It made me happy to share parts of my world with you that only a few people will ever have access to.
I don't hate you, but yet I do at the same time. I know that you are going to do amazing things with your life. You deserve it so much. But I hate that I don't get to do it with you. I want to be there when you go into the military and do all these things with your life because I am so selfish. It saddens me to think that you probably don't think twice about me but I still have the heart to write about you. You still show up in my poems. You still show up in my stories. You still show up everywhere. It hurts to go to the beach because the blue of the water reminds me of the blue that is in your eyes.
I miss the way it felt to have your hand in mine and being wrapped up in your arms. I know that in time this will all hurt less, but I still love you.
Thank you for making me who I am today and for shaping me into the person that adores the little things life throws my way. Thank you for being the first person that I was able to fall in love with and spending the last half of high school with. I wouldn't trade my memories with you for anything, not even for a lifetime supply of raspberry M&Ms.