Dear Rusty,
Thinking I wouldn't get to say goodbye to you was one of my worst nightmares. When I left home after Thanksgiving I was praying that you would make it to the next time I was home for break. When I got that text on Sunday, that you weren't going to make it until Thursday, I tried to prepare myself. Thank you for waiting until I got home, so I could say goodbye.
I remember when we adopted you. We saw you in that kennel surrounded by the sounds of barking dogs, we knew you were the dog for us. We were all so excited to finally have a dog. And Rusty, I'm so glad you were our dog. I can't imagine my childhood without you.I miss how you used to dig the biggest holes. You were the best digger. We would call your name until you came running up, covered in dirt. I remember following you out to the field and sitting out there with you and just watching you dig, so happily. You would stick your nose deep into the ground and sniff until you snorted too much dirt into your nose. I miss taking you on summer walks, not even needing a leash because you were such a good dog.
You were such a good dog, Rusty.
I just keep thinking about all my memories with you and realizing that there was so much more I could have done for you. We could have loved you more. We could have taken you to do more things. I know you were old, but I wanted you to live a much better life. I'm so sorry Rusty. I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you when you needed me to be. I'm sorry that no one was. I wish I was here for your last night, but I couldn't do it. I regret that the most. I wanted to pet your nose and let you know it was going to be OK.It's snowing outside — some of my favorite memories with you were in the snow. You loved the snow. Whenever it got too deep you would hop through it like a bunny, with the goofiest look on your face. You loved to chase after the snowmobile, even though you could never catch up to it. I always wondered if the cold bothered you because you spent so much time outside. I always thought it was funny that you would eat the snow, but I would feed it to you anyway. I forgive you for the time you peed on our snowman.
Our first Christmas without you is going to be hard. Do you remember the little dog ornament we always hang on the Christmas tree? It doesn't even really look like you. It doesn't have the same white little sock paws or the little orange freckles. But I know it's going to hang on our tree every Christmas.
You were my first dog Rusty, but definitely not my last. I'm going to have to say goodbye to many more dogs in my lifetime, but I know you're going to be the hardest. Thank you for teaching me how to love an animal the way I love my family and thank you Rusty, for being my best friend.