When I was 17-years-old, I started flying a small, single engine prop plane. A C172 to be exact. To be honest, it is not a plane you would first imagine when you hear someone say they are a pilot. Most people thought I flew 737s or jets and I couldn’t blame them because before I was involved in the world of aviation, I had no clue about planes or how you received your pilots license.

Growing up, I was surrounded by aviation. My father, aunt, and uncle were all pilots for the U.S. Army and my step-father flew some. Flying was not really pushed onto me until I was in high school by my step-father.

One day, I was in my bathroom getting ready and my step-father yells from the bottom of the stairs “hey, I scheduled you an introduction flight at Daniel Field for Saturday.” I was confused and was like “Whoa, whoa, whoa, you did what?!” He told me to try it out and see what I would think about it. I rolled my eyes and said in my head, “you are not paying for it so go try it. It won’t hurt anything.”

A couple months go by after my introduction flight and I was loving the experience. I had great flight instructors who kept me laughing but on my toes. They truly made the experience more fun.

Every time I got into the cockpit, I wanted to be in the sky. One thing I loved about flying was the sunset. Yes, I was usually blinded if I was taking off or landing towards the sunset but having it on the side of your wing is beautiful. Oh how I miss that sight. Do not even get me started on the rain! Let’s just say it is a pretty awesome experience when you first fly through rain (light rain of course since I am not a dare devil).

Now, let me get on track to why I wrote this article. To address the fact that I did not receive my pilot’s license and that is okay. However, when I did not receive my license, I thought it was far from okay.

For six months, I had to schedule and cancel my checkrides. It was annoying to say the least. What is a checkride, you say? A checkride is the final test that determines if you receive your pilots license or not. It is composed of an oral exam and a flight exam. I prepared for this opportunity for over six months and it was discouraging to keep canceling.

Over that time, I had this part of me that was doubting my abilities and made me second guess my decision with my flight training. I would normally push it off to nerves and not address it. However, it came back when I needed it to the most.

I was 19 years old by this time so I had two years of flying under my belt. Two years was long for flight training so I was ready to get this show on the road. I think that is one of the main reasons why I wanted to get my license so bad. So I wouldn’t of wasted the money and time put into my training.

The day came for my checkride and I was prepared. I walked in with my instructor, we met the examiner, and I headed into a room to do my oral portion of the checkride. My body was restless and I felt the nerves set in. An hour or so went by and I ended up passing! Boy, I was excited!

Well, now it is time for the flight portion. The winds were moving pretty fast and I was not comfortable with the wind speeds so I decided to reschedule the flight portion, since you can do that if you feel unsafe about flying that day.

After that day, my anxiety got the best of me. I would later have a small panic attack in the cockpit on the way to my checkride. I would then reschedule and be anxious but I knew I had to do it.

I cannot tell you how many prayers I sent up that day.

The examiner and I get into the plane and we take off without a hitch. We are now flying and about to turn on course to our destination. I punch in the wrong airport code and ended up flying the wrong direction. I had my map sitting in my lap and I knew the direction was wrong but I let the nerves set in and I trusted the GPS more than my map. My examiner saw this and he told me to go back and land. When I heard that, my tears were fighting to get out but I kept a level head and landed safely.

After that day, I was discouraged from flying. How could I mess up something so simple? I asked myself the question a lot and I let it beat me up for awhile.

A couple months go by and I am sitting on a back porch with one of my best friends. I say “I think I am going to stop flying.” She looks up at me and gives me this weird look. She then asks me why I decided to make this choice and as we talked, I felt relief. I felt free from the weight and frustration I felt in those last three months. Not passing the flight portion of the checkride wore on me for too long. I let the failure grasp onto my soul and it drained me. I feel out of the love of flying and saw it as a chore to do. After having the conversation with my friend, I knew this was the decision that was best for me. I knew that I would be alright and that I am not worth less because I didn’t complete my license.

Being a pilot did not define me. I am not defined by what I do. I am defined by the Lord and I will only be defined by the Lord.

We, as humans, experience failures but I like to see them as lessons. We take those lessons and build upon them. It may of not been meant for me to accomplish that specific thing and that is alright. I learned to embrace the lessons in my life because without those lessons, I would not be able to flourish and become a better version of myself.

I am not a failure nor will I ever be. I will be strong and trust in my abilities. I will walk with my head held high and know that the Lord is holding my hand through it all.